it is 11:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed. it is absolutely freezing in Israel. I was in Tel Aviv yesterday and it was hailing. it definitely feels like snow. I just got back form my son's house. my 5 year old granddaughter had a birthday party. I got picked up at 5:30 p.m. and was ready to leave by 6:00 p.m. I do not like kids' birthday parties. never have. I can't stand the noise, the mess, the balloons, the sugar overkill and once again, the noise. it was cute to see my very fashionably dressed granddaughter posing for pix with her best buddies girls' posse.
my grandson couldn't stand his sister having the spotlight. even though he had a favorite friend with him he couldn't calm down. his cousins weren't much better. I watched the two year old stuff fistfuls of gooey candies into her mouth for hours. at one point she was choking a bit and ready to purge. as I have previously stated, I don't like kids' parties or kids at parties, either. I hate kids bursting balloons. I hate kids going to parties on a school night. I hate kids staying up late after they are sugared up.
my son came home from work and split immediately. he was hungry and needed some alone space. he doesn't like kids' parties either. actually, he doesn't really like kids. I felt a bit trapped. why did he get a pass to leave and I was forced to stay? I had the kids with me on Tuesday night. that was my granddaughter's actual birthday. I made a party for the three of us. I didn't have any cake but I had fried donuts. I bought some grape juice for us to make a l'chaim. I played a birthday CD and I put out jello with sparklers in them. we raised the birthday girl on a chair. my grandson, the animal, did the heavy lifting. I gave each kid 5 shekels and an extra one to the birthday girl. each kid wanted to put a shekel coin into the charity box. my granddaughter wore an old crown and cape from Purims gone by. I taped a paper 5 to the crown and voila! she was the birthday queen. she wore that crown and cape until she went to sleep.
we danced a bit and sang. we lit the entire package of sparklers. I gave her a gift of the Masha and bear dolls from the Russian cartoon show. while the kids played with the dolls I made birthday silver dollar pancakes for our birthday supper. I also gave them birthday drinks, birthday chocolate milk and birthday gift bags with Chanukah chocolate coins. before we started the birthday party they had a birthday bubble bath. she probably liked the official birthday party this evening that her mommy threw for her, much more. tomorrow, is the kindergarten birthday party. I hate these the most. the grandmas have to get up and dance and answer questions in Hebrew. oh give me a break!
luckily, I had eaten some cottage cheese and tuna salad before tonight's party. I thought there would be pizza but I wouldn't have eaten any. I am still on my diet. I actually had a few slices of a white potato this week. maybe i'll start making baked potatoes again. after all, there is some potassium in potatoes. I've been staying away from grains. I can't remember why. I've pretty much platoed after a month and didn't really lose much weight.
I think I should start cooking up food and freezing it in packets so that i'll have food to eat when I return from the surgery. that's if I am lucky enough to return to my house. I wish I had the energy to do so. I also want to get this house in shape before I go off to the surgery. that's also a feat to accomplish in the cold. I have tons of muddied sheets and towels to wash. the dogs trash the house when it's rainy outside.
I went to a neurosurgeon in safed today. he's pretty much a dinosaur in his field. I thought I would 'pick' his brain about the surgery. he wasn't having any of it. he was quite dry. the bottom line is that if I don't do the surgery I could have side effects, major complications and die. on the flip side, if I do the surgery, I could have side effects, major complications and die. it's my choice. thanks for nothing! he did admit that the majority of these surgeries are successful. my oncologist in Tel Aviv says the same about the staff there.
I asked the neurosurgeon if it was dangerous for me to have dogs in the house. with a straight face he asked "dangerous for who? the dogs or you?" he then countered with dogs have less germs than people. how I wish my daughter-in-law was there to hear that! my sister was present but I don't think she caught that. I also got the doctor to show me exactly where this tumor is. and guess what? it's actually on the upper right hand side of my head and not on the back of my head, as I had misunderstood for the past four years. I think that I just might be able to change my own bandages. we will just have to wait and see.
the majorly good thing to come out of this challenging situation is that once and for all I get it. I am not in control of this situation. I have no control over this tumor just as I had no control over my cancer. I therefore, give it up to a higher power. I am through with shaking. I am through with crying. I am through with being afraid. I am through with falling apart. I can only pray and ask others to pray for me. so if you can take a moment to pray for the complete recovery of zelda bat tcherna, I would very much appreciate it..
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