First You Cry

it is 11:20 a.m. in the holy city of zefat.  i am very tired today.  i am not speaking to anyone.  i am laying low. i am trying to be calm.  i spent a good deal of time yesterday raging and screaming on the phone with my sister.  i went to the doctor at 9:00 a.m.  i called a cab.  i didn't bother to try to catch a ride with the kids.  there was plenty of screaming and tension, downstairs.

i sat for about 1 1/2 hours hunched over with pain.  there were just a few people waiting to see the doctor, but every once in a while, someone showed up with an urgent request, and got in to see the doctor.  there were a couple of very obnoxious people who were absolutely, against anyone getting in to see the doctor without an appointment.  they were very adamant and vocal about the subject.  i tried to get a message to them that there were, indeed, times when one must see the doctor without an appointment.  i finally just shut up.  i thought that there was going to be a riot, at one point.

i finally got in to see the doctor.  i haven't seen him since i went away to treatment.  i blurted out to him that i didn't have cancer anymore, but they had discovered a tumor in my skull.  i handed him all of the paper work.  i did need the referral forms taken care of.  i started crying.  he told me that he had a cousin at hadassah hospital who did radio waves to break up tumors.  he didn't know if my tumor was too large to do that process, in stead of the surgery.

i tried to tell him through my tears, that i was having terrible stomach pain.  i told him that i thought i had pylori.  he didn't examine me at all or ask me any questions.  he gave me a prescription for a vascular opiate that helps erectile dysfunction and spasms of the heart.  the druggist told me to take the medication after food.  no one bothered to tell me how often or how many pills to take.

i came home and read the instructions.  i went insane.  i started raging.  my sister had left me a 'half assed' message about doing the MRI.  the hospital had called her while i was away.  they had an appointment for me on wednesday between 2-3 a.m.  apparently, one has to wait a heck of a long time to receive a normal appointment to do an mri.  i called up my sister and totally lost it on her.  as usual, she was remiss in giving over information to me.  i started crying, raging, and screaming all at the same time.  i wasn't ready to travel back to tel aviv this week.  i needed more time to digest the news.

she decided, as well as the radiologist, to do the mri, as soon as possible.  i went on line to look up the mri.  i started crying, raging, and screaming all over again.  it is truly, one mother, of a slim tunnel.  i wonder if they will let me wear an eye mask.  i can't afford to open my eyes for a second.  my sister and the radiologist think i should be sedated.  i don't see how taking a valium will stop me from being claustrophobic.

for someone, who has never done a ct, pet scan, or mri, my sister, sures knows a  lo about it.  i am taking the day off.  my brain has shut down.  i am concentrating on eating.  it helps the gut.  i've already put back 2 kilos.  i finally took the opiate last night.  i was scared to death about the side effects.  it took forever to kick in.  it didn't completely do the trick.  a few hours later, i took a regular, over the counter pain pill.  it helped.  i also started moving the old bowels.

before going home, i shlepped around town a bit , to pay off some bills.  i then  stopped off at a small market on my way home.  i was hungry and wanted to buy a few things to eat.  i decided to buy food to make a thanks giving meal at my son's torah class tonight.  after all, i am cancer free.  i bought several salads, some deli meats, cookies, square pitas, drinks and nash.  i may have overdone it.  i don't know.  i'll ask my daughter-in-law to set it all up for my son.

i got home to a strange sight.  there were two enormous crows sitting on the lamp post in front of my house.  they were squawking up a ton of noise.  i quickly, entered my courtyard with my groceries.  i went to lie down.  there was a tremendous amount of noise by the crows for a really long time.  i finally went outside to see what all the rukus was about.  my neighbors were all peering out their windows.  they called to me to go back into my house.  apparently, a toddler crow was in front of my house.  he couldn't fly.  he was walking about and calling out to his parents.  my pincher was trying to get to the toddler.  one crow was perched on top of my front gate and trying to scare off my dog.  the other parent was perched on the lamp post also making a lot of noise.

it was a scene, straight out of alfred hitchkock's 'the birds'.  i was trying to get my dog away from the crows. i was afraid of being attacked.  my neighbors were screaming for me to get away.  i finally ran and got the dog, while the crow temporarily, perched in my tree.  with the dog inside, the noise subsided a bit.  but the toddler crow came back and stood in front of my gate.  it's parents were perched on my roof.

my grandkids were suppossed to be coming home and i wanted to get them out of the car without any problems.  my neighbors all said that there had been crow attacks on children.  i waited outside for nearly 2 hours.  the dog was barking to get out the entire time.  it was too weird!  the neighbor called the town's veternarian to come and pick up the baby crow.  i heard squawking noises until late at night.  today it is quiet.  maybe the vet came. who knows?  i am layling low.