it is 2:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed. I feel a bit strange. I don't really have anything to do. I did a scouple of batches of laundry, earlier. it was mostly towels and sheets. it was mostly covered in dog pish. cloey, the pincher is losing her control. when I let them out they mainly forage for food scraps left out for the cats. tiny the oversized tiny dog, still rips up my sheets and eats the foam off of the mattresses. charming, you might say!
I think my maytag washing machine is leaking. in the meanwhile, it gives me the chance to wash the downstairs floors. I can't deicide if it's time to call in a repairman. sometimes, I think it's better to buy a small machine. I guess I will wait until it floods to make a move. I am having a rough time with my tooth. I think i may have an infection. Friday is the wrong day to have a health problem in safed.
I went to the doctor yesterday morning to start the paper work for my next MRI, and doctors appointments. I was feeling very nervous. I asked the nurse to check my blood pressure because I have been feeling dizzy a lot lately. it was high. I have always had low blood pressure. I was really feeling doomed yesterday. I am hoping that it was a fluke. I know that my recent weight problem does not help. I stopped off at the bakery to buy some chocolate balls to bring to the kids. the granddaughter loves them.
I sat on a bench and drank an ice coffee and ate two gigantic chocolate balls. shame on me!.. while I was stuffing my face, two horses galloped past me. it was surreal. they were young and quite beautiful. they were playing havoc with the passing traffic. I am a bit afraid of horses. I wondered if they might like a chocolate ball. I thought about leaving the bench but I stayed glued to it, instead. when do I have the time on a Friday to sit on a bench and drink iced coffee? I'm usually washing the floors, shopping for groceries and picking up the grandchildren. and cooking for Shabbat, of course.
I woke up at 3:30 a.m. yesterday. I had been passing out during the day. I didn't know why I was so tired. I kept on falling asleep and missing all of my favorite shows. I thought that it was later so I let the dogs out. I decided to wash the floors. suddenly I heard a loud commotion. tiny, the medium sized stocky, male dog, jumped over the wall. there were three pretty large male dogs outside my gate. they all emerged on tiny. I, somehow, shooed them away and got tiny back into my house, unharmed.
I finished the floors around 6:00 a.m. and showered. I rested a bit and then went to the doctor. I paid my electric bill and picked up a registered letter. it was from the city reminding me to pay the real estate tax. I haven't been to town in nearly a month. I have gone to town to pick up my grandson but never made it to the bank or real estate office. maybe on Sunday, i'll be a little more motivated to take care of business. I also have to pay my water bill. my best buddy sent me some birthday cash so I hope the bank won't be harassing me this week to take out, yet another emergency loan.
I do not have a credit card and you cannot pay any bills in the post office by check. I am forced to go to these offices and it's always a long, schlepped out wait. I am feeling out of it these days. the heat does not agree with me. my life does not agree with me, either. I still have not heard from any of 'the' family. I guess that I was not missed very much at the wedding. I do get pretty depressed. my granddaughter had a hernia surgery on Wednesday. I stayed home and took care of my grandson.
he slept over the night before and I didn't sleep a wink. he had closed all of the windows and terrace door and there wasn't any air. he fell asleep on my arm and I was very uncomfortable. the dog was also on my legs. I picked him up from school later in the day and took him to a children's' fair in the evening. it was packed and extremely noisy. I sat on a plastic chair and waited for it to end. there were far too many people there to keep tabs on my grandson. you couldn't talk to anyone because of the noise. there weren't that many grandparents there. I finally met up with my grandson outside near the blown up trampolines. he suddenly had enough and wanted to leave that second. it took a while to walk out of the parking area and find a taxi. I stopped off at the local bakery to buy him something to eat.
by 7:30 p.m. he had really had enough of me and my home. he wanted his parents and of course, the gift he got for being a good boy. I spent the next day in bed. it was like a dream. yesterday I spent about 20 plus hours awake. I was hyper. I couldn't calm down. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't relax. I invited myself to my son's tonight for Shabbat dinner. tomorrow night is my birthday. my friends wanted to do something for me but I wasn't in the mood. I think the kids will take me out for a birthday dinner. I am turning 66. and no, 60 is not the new 40!
Friday, June 23, 2017
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Nothing To Say
it is 10:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed. I am tired. I haven't had a drink yet. I had the kids yesterday for about seven hours. no one wanted to use the pool. everyone was tired and hot. the kids played with lego and watched television. there wasn't any fighting. we didn't leave the house to go to the park. I went to the supermarket in the morning to buy food for Shabbat. I thought about inviting the kids for Friday night dinner. I spent a bunch of money. the kids are home for Shabbat and I am invited to come for dinner. right now I can't imagine moving.
I don't really feel much like cooking today. I need to wash the floors but I have time. I feel like a slug. I need to pick up my granddaughter at 1:00 p.m. I cooked up some non gluten macaroni yesterday for the kids. I think it was made form rice. it looked like macaroni but didn't much taste like it. I ate a bunch of it with tomato sauce. the kids ate it plain with olive oil. they really didn't eat it. I made 'skinny' banana cupcakes again. I used only 4 tablespoons of brown sugar and 2 tablespoons of canola oil. they aren't great but they do taste sweet.
I was hoping to start experimenting with almond flour and coconut oil when my sister arrived. she decided to cancel her trip to the middle east at this time. I don't think I can afford a trip to the health food store right now. I had some 60 % dark chocolate last night. I didn't binge. the kids ate most of it. I bought it to make a birthday tiramisu for the Sephardi grandmother. I don't know if I have the energy to do anything like that today.
I made several hospital appointments for July. I postponed my oncological visit for a month. I decided to go back to the brain surgeon after I do another MRI. I usually try to double up on appointments but this time I will be going to tel aviv 3 consecutive weeks in a row. what a drag! I'm thinking of doing the brain surgery after the Jewish holidays in November. we shall see if the surgeon is available at that time. I haven't been in touch with them since I cancelled my surgery in December.
I was supposed to go over to my girlfriend yesterday morning. she wanted to trim my wig on me. after I got off the phone with the hospital, I was feeling dizzy and of course, anxious. I went to lie down for while. I ran down to the supermarket and felt dizzy there. I do not do well in the summer. I can't manage the heat. my efforts to drink more and to be more active are futile. I am so depressed.
I feel like I am in a dream state all the time.
I have managed to stop binge eating although I haven't managed to start a diet. I am grazing all day long until I fall asleep. I have managed to stay away from junk unless you include those awful non gluten noodles and a ton of sunflower seeds. they are very caloric but do have a lot of magnesium. I must lose weight. I bought tortilla shells on sale. they are fun to eat but definitely, not all that nutritional. I think I will stop off at the supermarket to buy a birthday gift for the Sephardi grandma. she is actually ten years younger than myself. our birthdays are a week apart. I will be turning 66 next week. my friends are all older than me by a year or two but I feel older than everyone.
being estranged from my family in safed has taken a huge toll. I am emotionally spent. I cannot make sense out of it. the more I analyze it , the more I get upset. and the more I get upset, the more I miss them. what a mess!
I don't really feel much like cooking today. I need to wash the floors but I have time. I feel like a slug. I need to pick up my granddaughter at 1:00 p.m. I cooked up some non gluten macaroni yesterday for the kids. I think it was made form rice. it looked like macaroni but didn't much taste like it. I ate a bunch of it with tomato sauce. the kids ate it plain with olive oil. they really didn't eat it. I made 'skinny' banana cupcakes again. I used only 4 tablespoons of brown sugar and 2 tablespoons of canola oil. they aren't great but they do taste sweet.
I was hoping to start experimenting with almond flour and coconut oil when my sister arrived. she decided to cancel her trip to the middle east at this time. I don't think I can afford a trip to the health food store right now. I had some 60 % dark chocolate last night. I didn't binge. the kids ate most of it. I bought it to make a birthday tiramisu for the Sephardi grandmother. I don't know if I have the energy to do anything like that today.
I made several hospital appointments for July. I postponed my oncological visit for a month. I decided to go back to the brain surgeon after I do another MRI. I usually try to double up on appointments but this time I will be going to tel aviv 3 consecutive weeks in a row. what a drag! I'm thinking of doing the brain surgery after the Jewish holidays in November. we shall see if the surgeon is available at that time. I haven't been in touch with them since I cancelled my surgery in December.
I was supposed to go over to my girlfriend yesterday morning. she wanted to trim my wig on me. after I got off the phone with the hospital, I was feeling dizzy and of course, anxious. I went to lie down for while. I ran down to the supermarket and felt dizzy there. I do not do well in the summer. I can't manage the heat. my efforts to drink more and to be more active are futile. I am so depressed.
I feel like I am in a dream state all the time.
I have managed to stop binge eating although I haven't managed to start a diet. I am grazing all day long until I fall asleep. I have managed to stay away from junk unless you include those awful non gluten noodles and a ton of sunflower seeds. they are very caloric but do have a lot of magnesium. I must lose weight. I bought tortilla shells on sale. they are fun to eat but definitely, not all that nutritional. I think I will stop off at the supermarket to buy a birthday gift for the Sephardi grandma. she is actually ten years younger than myself. our birthdays are a week apart. I will be turning 66 next week. my friends are all older than me by a year or two but I feel older than everyone.
being estranged from my family in safed has taken a huge toll. I am emotionally spent. I cannot make sense out of it. the more I analyze it , the more I get upset. and the more I get upset, the more I miss them. what a mess!
Friday, June 2, 2017
Almost Shabbat Once Again
it is 4:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed. I've been living the life of riley all day. I didn't wash the floors and I didn't do any laundry today. I did sweep the leaves in front of the house and pool area. it is warm but quite windy and chilly at night. I had the kids with me for about 12 hours yesterday. the schools were closed. the kids hit the pool but it was too cold to stay in for any length of time. my grandson was having a hard morning. I was pretty tired myself, after the holiday. I took them to town in the evening to buy them prizes in the dollar store. they went with me to synagogue to hear the 10 commandments on Shavuot day. chabad made a program for the neighborhood kids in the early evening.
I am going to the kids for dinner tonight and my friends on the 'next' block for lunch tomorrow. I made a few hard cooked eggs for tomorrow evening and I bought some half baguettes for Shabbat. they are wonderful with butter. I just made some banana- prune muffins. I was going to make a banana bread loaf to take with me tonight but then I thought about making non gluten banana pancakes. you know, one banana and 2 eggs? I remembered that I had steeped prunes for my friend last week and ran to look up prune loaf recipes. I found the perfect recipe for a banana-prune bread.
I was all out of milk, half a cup short of prunes and didn't have any nuts but yet, I persevered. I cut the sugar from a cup to less than a half a cup and I substituted organic brown sugar. I only had white flour but I would have preferred whole wheat or rye. I threw the batter into muffin tins and managed to get a baker's dozen. I used the wonderful butter from Holland that I had bought for Shavuot. it only called for 4 tablespoons. I thought about adding some sour cream to the batter, but I refrained. I need to go on a strict food regimen next week. I go to see the gyn oncologist pretty soon. I can always freeze the muffins.
usually, it feels strange when I do not cook for Shabbat. I thought about making a noodle kugel with onions and mushrooms. I don't have anything to serve the kids if they stop buy tomorrow to use the pool. I didn't hit the supermarket this morning. I don't have any tuna in the house, either. that's why I was kind of toying with the idea of making pancakes. i'll just tell them that my house is bare and invite them to bring their own treats if they come over tomorrow.
I just had a half baguette with butter. I am feeling so sluggish. I truly could use a nap. I would be too afraid of over sleeping and not getting up in time to light my candles. I just rescued the muffins from being burnt. they are lovely. they have a nice buttery flavor and they are not too sweet. I don't know if I could have totally omitted the sugar from the batter. it's a shame that I was out of nuts because it would have been just perfect with walnuts. I am glad that I have something to eat before I go to synagogue in the morning. what a great find!
I managed to get all of the tiny Lego pieces back into plastic baggies and off of the floor. the kids, most probably, my grandson, will have to sort them all out. I tried to save the diagrams inside the box. I bought him soccer gloves yesterday. he is an excellent goal keeper. my son got into a lot of trouble for wearing soccer gloves in the ultra orthodox school system that he attended. my grandson goes to a more modern school. it was like Deja vu buying him the gloves. I got my granddaughter, what I thought was a box of toy dolls and ponies. it turns out that this box did not contain, any greenery, ponies or dolls. it is simply a cardboard corral. you have to buy the collectables by themselves. what a rip-off! what was I thinking for 10 shekels????
I will have to get to town on Sunday to see if I can find a small doll or pony. I'm sure they exist. I still have a sink full of dairy dishes to wash. I didn't get around to them yesterday. I really need to sleep now!
I am going to the kids for dinner tonight and my friends on the 'next' block for lunch tomorrow. I made a few hard cooked eggs for tomorrow evening and I bought some half baguettes for Shabbat. they are wonderful with butter. I just made some banana- prune muffins. I was going to make a banana bread loaf to take with me tonight but then I thought about making non gluten banana pancakes. you know, one banana and 2 eggs? I remembered that I had steeped prunes for my friend last week and ran to look up prune loaf recipes. I found the perfect recipe for a banana-prune bread.
I was all out of milk, half a cup short of prunes and didn't have any nuts but yet, I persevered. I cut the sugar from a cup to less than a half a cup and I substituted organic brown sugar. I only had white flour but I would have preferred whole wheat or rye. I threw the batter into muffin tins and managed to get a baker's dozen. I used the wonderful butter from Holland that I had bought for Shavuot. it only called for 4 tablespoons. I thought about adding some sour cream to the batter, but I refrained. I need to go on a strict food regimen next week. I go to see the gyn oncologist pretty soon. I can always freeze the muffins.
usually, it feels strange when I do not cook for Shabbat. I thought about making a noodle kugel with onions and mushrooms. I don't have anything to serve the kids if they stop buy tomorrow to use the pool. I didn't hit the supermarket this morning. I don't have any tuna in the house, either. that's why I was kind of toying with the idea of making pancakes. i'll just tell them that my house is bare and invite them to bring their own treats if they come over tomorrow.
I just had a half baguette with butter. I am feeling so sluggish. I truly could use a nap. I would be too afraid of over sleeping and not getting up in time to light my candles. I just rescued the muffins from being burnt. they are lovely. they have a nice buttery flavor and they are not too sweet. I don't know if I could have totally omitted the sugar from the batter. it's a shame that I was out of nuts because it would have been just perfect with walnuts. I am glad that I have something to eat before I go to synagogue in the morning. what a great find!
I managed to get all of the tiny Lego pieces back into plastic baggies and off of the floor. the kids, most probably, my grandson, will have to sort them all out. I tried to save the diagrams inside the box. I bought him soccer gloves yesterday. he is an excellent goal keeper. my son got into a lot of trouble for wearing soccer gloves in the ultra orthodox school system that he attended. my grandson goes to a more modern school. it was like Deja vu buying him the gloves. I got my granddaughter, what I thought was a box of toy dolls and ponies. it turns out that this box did not contain, any greenery, ponies or dolls. it is simply a cardboard corral. you have to buy the collectables by themselves. what a rip-off! what was I thinking for 10 shekels????
I will have to get to town on Sunday to see if I can find a small doll or pony. I'm sure they exist. I still have a sink full of dairy dishes to wash. I didn't get around to them yesterday. I really need to sleep now!
Monday, May 29, 2017
Almost Shevuot 2017
it is 9:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed. it is almost Shavuot. I have been invited to join the Sephardi in-law's for tonight's holiday meal. it will be very noisy and 'lively'. it's just what I need, I think. as I probably, mentioned, I had a bad falling out with my sister. next week is my niece's wedding. my sister will not have anyone from her side of the family there. oh well.... I need to get on with my life.
I went to the local supermarket to buy dairy products for the holiday last night. I also bought an assortment of fruit: peaches, apricots, cherries, grapes, watermelon, nectarines, and bananas. the prices were very high. I didn't buy anything exotic. I never made it to the fruit store in town. the only fruit that I haven't had this season is apricots. they aren't very ripe. I think i'll let them sit on the counter until tomorrow.
I am planning on making a tiramisu, and stuffed manicotti for tomorrow's lunch with a Greek salad and a fruit platter. I offered to bring cheesecake to the in-law's and of course, I forgot to buy the white cheese and sour cream. on my second trip to the supermarket, I remembered to buy soft drinks and toilet paper. my guests went through about 30 roles of paper during Shabbat. pretty odd! I think I have what I need for the holiday. I bought baguettes and fresh butter for tomorrow's lunch.
I am planning on making a cheese mixture of cottage cheese, mozzarella, and parmesan to fill the cannelloni shells. I have already shredded the mozzarella and cut up the Bulgarian cheese for the Greek salad. I bought sliced and pitted green olives. the kids are coming over soon. there is no school today. my son finally cleaned the pool and we filled it with water last night. I woke up early and washed the floors. I will go out later and find roses and greenery to decorate the house. it is customary for Shavuot. by tomorrow, the house will be covered in dry greenery. it is dry and hot here.
I bought chocolate ice-cream yesterday and ate the whole thing by myself. I forgot to replace it when I hit the supermarket this morning. last year Shavuot was a bust. the kids were hyper and my friend lost it on my grandkids. my son was angry at me and it was not fun. I spent a fortune and made what I thought, were, creative dishes. I made a breaded cauliflower with multi cheeses, a beet salad with goat cheese, a runny tiramisu, cottage cheese pancakes, a rocket salad with pears and walnuts and cheese and stuffed cannelloni with meat sauce for the night meal. I didn't make my traditional lasagna and cheesecake and no one was satisfied.
this year I am playing it safe. I am serving stuffed cannelloni in tomato sauce and Greek salad. I didn't buy any goat cheese. I did buy a package of cheese and mushroom stuffed mini ravioli, just in case the kids don't want to eat the cannelloni in tomato sauce. my grandson likes his pasta plain these days with a drizzle of olive oil. the kids are just coming for one meal. they can all swim after lunch if they want and rest downstairs. I don't know if my friend will make it here for the holiday. my other friends aren't up to coming out. we are all tired and it is hot again.
I hope I get to synagogue in the morning. I have probably put on ten pounds recently. I have been food binging with a vengeance. as if life hasn't been cruel enough, I also have the need to punish myself with overeating. I just had a healthy breakfast of cottage cheese and fruit. I wonder how the day will progress.
I went to the local supermarket to buy dairy products for the holiday last night. I also bought an assortment of fruit: peaches, apricots, cherries, grapes, watermelon, nectarines, and bananas. the prices were very high. I didn't buy anything exotic. I never made it to the fruit store in town. the only fruit that I haven't had this season is apricots. they aren't very ripe. I think i'll let them sit on the counter until tomorrow.
I am planning on making a tiramisu, and stuffed manicotti for tomorrow's lunch with a Greek salad and a fruit platter. I offered to bring cheesecake to the in-law's and of course, I forgot to buy the white cheese and sour cream. on my second trip to the supermarket, I remembered to buy soft drinks and toilet paper. my guests went through about 30 roles of paper during Shabbat. pretty odd! I think I have what I need for the holiday. I bought baguettes and fresh butter for tomorrow's lunch.
I am planning on making a cheese mixture of cottage cheese, mozzarella, and parmesan to fill the cannelloni shells. I have already shredded the mozzarella and cut up the Bulgarian cheese for the Greek salad. I bought sliced and pitted green olives. the kids are coming over soon. there is no school today. my son finally cleaned the pool and we filled it with water last night. I woke up early and washed the floors. I will go out later and find roses and greenery to decorate the house. it is customary for Shavuot. by tomorrow, the house will be covered in dry greenery. it is dry and hot here.
I bought chocolate ice-cream yesterday and ate the whole thing by myself. I forgot to replace it when I hit the supermarket this morning. last year Shavuot was a bust. the kids were hyper and my friend lost it on my grandkids. my son was angry at me and it was not fun. I spent a fortune and made what I thought, were, creative dishes. I made a breaded cauliflower with multi cheeses, a beet salad with goat cheese, a runny tiramisu, cottage cheese pancakes, a rocket salad with pears and walnuts and cheese and stuffed cannelloni with meat sauce for the night meal. I didn't make my traditional lasagna and cheesecake and no one was satisfied.
this year I am playing it safe. I am serving stuffed cannelloni in tomato sauce and Greek salad. I didn't buy any goat cheese. I did buy a package of cheese and mushroom stuffed mini ravioli, just in case the kids don't want to eat the cannelloni in tomato sauce. my grandson likes his pasta plain these days with a drizzle of olive oil. the kids are just coming for one meal. they can all swim after lunch if they want and rest downstairs. I don't know if my friend will make it here for the holiday. my other friends aren't up to coming out. we are all tired and it is hot again.
I hope I get to synagogue in the morning. I have probably put on ten pounds recently. I have been food binging with a vengeance. as if life hasn't been cruel enough, I also have the need to punish myself with overeating. I just had a healthy breakfast of cottage cheese and fruit. I wonder how the day will progress.
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Life Goes On
it is 12:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed. I am waiting for my grandson to come. apparently, there is no afternoon program anymore. school ends at the end of june but they have already suspended the lunch program for the first graders. it gets harder every year. you see all the working parents with their kids by their sides at the banks, health clinics, restaurants, and clothes stores. the teachers get off but the parents have to work. it doesn't make much sense.
my dear friends from Jerusalem, came to visit me for shabbat. my son and family also joined in the shabbaton. we were a lively bunch. of course, we all ate too much and drank too much. I was exhausted, as usual. I haven't had much sleep lately. my sister and I had a terrible falling out over a family secret from 20 years ago. my niece gets married next week and I will not be there. neither will my son and his wife.
I have spent hundreds of hours on the phone talking with my siblings and friends. I have not received any resolution and I doubt I will get any closure. everyone tells me to get on with my life. I went through a severe mourning period for my lost relationship and didn't shower, dress or leave my house for about 4 days. I did eat an enormous amount of sugar. I finally got up one day and showered. I went out the next day to buy groceries and spent the day cleaning my house. I hadn't done the dishes, either. I cleaned my house and scrubbed the floors with bleach and soap.
I made all the beds and straightened out the living room. I caught up on laundry, too. I didn't sleep very much on Thursday night. I spoke with my friend to around 3:00 a.m. and then couldn't fall asleep. I found it very hard to prepare the shabbat meals. I made plans to pick up another girl friend and help her take her ailing elderly dog to the vets to have him put down. afterwards, we stopped off at the large supermarket to buy treats for Shabbat. it was quite surreal.
I managed to make Moroccan spicy fish, a tabouli salad, a potato kugel, Chinese style stir fried noodles, grilled chicken wings, stewed chicken, beets, egg salad, cooked tomato salsa, and a green salad. I bought humus and rolls. I thought about baking a cake but didn't. we bought two yeast cakes at the supermarket and the kids brought a cheese cake loaf and a chocolate mousse loaf, to boot. we had tons of potato chips, seeds, nuts and corn chips. it was a food bacchanal. we had Bacardi breeze's, assorted beers, port wine and jack Daniels. no one was feeling any pain.
the grandkids were having a ball, too. they received lots of little toys and legos. the kids slept with me on Friday night. we got up pretty early. I was with the kids from about 6:45 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. everyone was nashing on the nuts and seeds and cakes. I didn't think that anyone would want to eat lunch but they did and we ate at 11:00 a.m. no one made it to the synagogue for services. everyone went to nap on Saturday afternoon except me and my grandson. he does not like to sleep. he has never been keen on sleep. I was delirious from lack of sleep. he started to have a meltdown in the evening. no one left the house. it was hot outside. the house was cool and comfortable. we had a small third meal of leftover salads and tuna fish and then finished off the cheesecakes and ice cream. my friend had bought a cream cake and ice cream to celebrate her dog's passing. we had a toast earlier in the day to her dog, mickey.
my other friend was also going through a family crisis. we have been on the phone together 24/7. I guess we all needed a Shabbat to chill out. but then, life goes on. Shabbat ends and reality settles back in. the older kids went off to the movies. we stayed here and rapped until around 2:00 a.m. I had the television on but couldn't hear a word. I was very concerned that I had gone deaf. I found out this afternoon that my friend's son had simply lowered the volume on the remote control that I never use. so, no, I hadn't suffered an hysterical deafness.
another close friend, had a bit of an emergency health crisis and ran off the clinic this morning. I couldn't meet her there because my friends were due back from town and my grandson was supposed to come over, too. I did most of the washing up this morning but there is lego all over the house. I do not have the strength to deal with it today. I am taking it slow today. I still do not know if I will be hosting any holiday Shavuot meals this week. I would be very glad not to do nay more cooking. I am taking it very 'easy breezy' right now. I do have cannelloni noodles and lady fingers if I do decide to make a tiramisu desert and a dairy stuffed cannelloni for Shavuot. who knows. I am still pretty traumatized from my fight with my sister.
Aftermath: it is now 4:30 p.m. I just got back from picking up my granddaughter from kindergarten. my son left work early and the three of them are downstairs cleaning out the pool.. the pool was never taken down last year. it made it through the winter but filled up a lot from all the rain we had. it is green and sludgy now. it didn't help that my granddaughter threw fresh oranges into the pool. I am staying upstairs and resting. I have no strength to bud in to this project. I think I may be making Shavuot meals after all. I will keep them simple. beef in wine for dinner with either a mashed potato kugel or plain mashed potatoes with a sweet noodle kugel. perhaps I will prepare a green salad, string beans teriyaki and sherbet for dessert. for the day I will make stuffed cannelloni, a greek salad, perhaps a crust less spinach quiche and a tiramisu for dessert. I will have fruit for both meals.
my dear friends from Jerusalem, came to visit me for shabbat. my son and family also joined in the shabbaton. we were a lively bunch. of course, we all ate too much and drank too much. I was exhausted, as usual. I haven't had much sleep lately. my sister and I had a terrible falling out over a family secret from 20 years ago. my niece gets married next week and I will not be there. neither will my son and his wife.
I have spent hundreds of hours on the phone talking with my siblings and friends. I have not received any resolution and I doubt I will get any closure. everyone tells me to get on with my life. I went through a severe mourning period for my lost relationship and didn't shower, dress or leave my house for about 4 days. I did eat an enormous amount of sugar. I finally got up one day and showered. I went out the next day to buy groceries and spent the day cleaning my house. I hadn't done the dishes, either. I cleaned my house and scrubbed the floors with bleach and soap.
I made all the beds and straightened out the living room. I caught up on laundry, too. I didn't sleep very much on Thursday night. I spoke with my friend to around 3:00 a.m. and then couldn't fall asleep. I found it very hard to prepare the shabbat meals. I made plans to pick up another girl friend and help her take her ailing elderly dog to the vets to have him put down. afterwards, we stopped off at the large supermarket to buy treats for Shabbat. it was quite surreal.
I managed to make Moroccan spicy fish, a tabouli salad, a potato kugel, Chinese style stir fried noodles, grilled chicken wings, stewed chicken, beets, egg salad, cooked tomato salsa, and a green salad. I bought humus and rolls. I thought about baking a cake but didn't. we bought two yeast cakes at the supermarket and the kids brought a cheese cake loaf and a chocolate mousse loaf, to boot. we had tons of potato chips, seeds, nuts and corn chips. it was a food bacchanal. we had Bacardi breeze's, assorted beers, port wine and jack Daniels. no one was feeling any pain.
the grandkids were having a ball, too. they received lots of little toys and legos. the kids slept with me on Friday night. we got up pretty early. I was with the kids from about 6:45 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. everyone was nashing on the nuts and seeds and cakes. I didn't think that anyone would want to eat lunch but they did and we ate at 11:00 a.m. no one made it to the synagogue for services. everyone went to nap on Saturday afternoon except me and my grandson. he does not like to sleep. he has never been keen on sleep. I was delirious from lack of sleep. he started to have a meltdown in the evening. no one left the house. it was hot outside. the house was cool and comfortable. we had a small third meal of leftover salads and tuna fish and then finished off the cheesecakes and ice cream. my friend had bought a cream cake and ice cream to celebrate her dog's passing. we had a toast earlier in the day to her dog, mickey.
my other friend was also going through a family crisis. we have been on the phone together 24/7. I guess we all needed a Shabbat to chill out. but then, life goes on. Shabbat ends and reality settles back in. the older kids went off to the movies. we stayed here and rapped until around 2:00 a.m. I had the television on but couldn't hear a word. I was very concerned that I had gone deaf. I found out this afternoon that my friend's son had simply lowered the volume on the remote control that I never use. so, no, I hadn't suffered an hysterical deafness.
another close friend, had a bit of an emergency health crisis and ran off the clinic this morning. I couldn't meet her there because my friends were due back from town and my grandson was supposed to come over, too. I did most of the washing up this morning but there is lego all over the house. I do not have the strength to deal with it today. I am taking it slow today. I still do not know if I will be hosting any holiday Shavuot meals this week. I would be very glad not to do nay more cooking. I am taking it very 'easy breezy' right now. I do have cannelloni noodles and lady fingers if I do decide to make a tiramisu desert and a dairy stuffed cannelloni for Shavuot. who knows. I am still pretty traumatized from my fight with my sister.
Aftermath: it is now 4:30 p.m. I just got back from picking up my granddaughter from kindergarten. my son left work early and the three of them are downstairs cleaning out the pool.. the pool was never taken down last year. it made it through the winter but filled up a lot from all the rain we had. it is green and sludgy now. it didn't help that my granddaughter threw fresh oranges into the pool. I am staying upstairs and resting. I have no strength to bud in to this project. I think I may be making Shavuot meals after all. I will keep them simple. beef in wine for dinner with either a mashed potato kugel or plain mashed potatoes with a sweet noodle kugel. perhaps I will prepare a green salad, string beans teriyaki and sherbet for dessert. for the day I will make stuffed cannelloni, a greek salad, perhaps a crust less spinach quiche and a tiramisu for dessert. I will have fruit for both meals.
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Lag B'Omer 2017
it is 8:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed. I just got back from a kid's parade and rally in the neighborhood for Lag B' Omer. it is extremely hot here and the forecasts say that it won't break until Wednesday. the kids and I skipped the parade part of the program this year. we went straight to the sports arena where the program was. this is a particularly rink a dink arena. his is no Madison square garden. it's a neighborhood place.
once again, my grandson didn't win any prizes, and once again he fell into deep despair. the Sephardi family is making a late night barbecue in the large park. I declined an invitation. I'm wiped. I had to get to town to pick up my grandson this afternoon and was lucky to get a ride there. apparently, the busses weren't running very often. we had hundreds of out of town visitors in safed right now. too. the city is messed up. hundreds of thousands of people ascended in meron to visit the grave site of Rabbi Shimon. Bar Yochai. many came to safed for Shabbat. it was nearly impossible to get a taxi this afternoon. most of them are going to meron. the amount of traffic and noise of honking horns was horrendous.
a neighbor who drives a cab picked me up. he was on his way back home. he had had enough of the balagon. I had to pick up my granddaughter from her kindergarten and it took us about half an hour to schlepp home in the hot sun. I wasn't ready to go back in the heat for the grand parade. perhaps I should have gone to the barbecue. I didn't nap yesterday and yet I went to bed after 2:00 a.m. I was zonked this morning. last night we took the kids to a Lag B' Omer rally in a nearby soccer court. it was very windy and chilly. my grandson had a meltdown when he didn't win any prizes. I didn't really want to go. I was tired after Shabbat. my son didn't want to go to this rally alone.
a friend came over in the evening and the three of us played a wicked game of monopoly. I won big time. that was a first for me. I don't do games, usually. I had a great time. I really was being obnoxious and lauding it over my friends. I was half kidding. anyway, it broke up a very long Shabbat day. yesterday at the synagogue, two men nearly came to fist a cuff's. it was quite shocking. the women were freaked out. anyway, this heat wave is getting us all a bit crazy.
my charge, went home this afternoon. she really is doing well and I don't perceive any real problems. she has a support group and I promised to send over some turkey meatballs this week. today I made her French toast from a leftover Shabbat roll. I have been making homemade applesauce every day and I cooked enough chicken so that we were able to have a dinner each night. I sent home the leftover homemade chumus and was happy to give it up. I did some laundry for her and then actually did some for myself. too. I couldn't bring myself to bathe her dog. I wish I could.
my niece's wedding is in 3 weeks. I really have to lose a bunch of weight. it might just be a fruit fast for me. we shall see. today, I ate a ton of food. i have to start moving. I have my gyn appt. soon and i'll be so embarrassed to show up so out of shape.
once again, my grandson didn't win any prizes, and once again he fell into deep despair. the Sephardi family is making a late night barbecue in the large park. I declined an invitation. I'm wiped. I had to get to town to pick up my grandson this afternoon and was lucky to get a ride there. apparently, the busses weren't running very often. we had hundreds of out of town visitors in safed right now. too. the city is messed up. hundreds of thousands of people ascended in meron to visit the grave site of Rabbi Shimon. Bar Yochai. many came to safed for Shabbat. it was nearly impossible to get a taxi this afternoon. most of them are going to meron. the amount of traffic and noise of honking horns was horrendous.
a neighbor who drives a cab picked me up. he was on his way back home. he had had enough of the balagon. I had to pick up my granddaughter from her kindergarten and it took us about half an hour to schlepp home in the hot sun. I wasn't ready to go back in the heat for the grand parade. perhaps I should have gone to the barbecue. I didn't nap yesterday and yet I went to bed after 2:00 a.m. I was zonked this morning. last night we took the kids to a Lag B' Omer rally in a nearby soccer court. it was very windy and chilly. my grandson had a meltdown when he didn't win any prizes. I didn't really want to go. I was tired after Shabbat. my son didn't want to go to this rally alone.
a friend came over in the evening and the three of us played a wicked game of monopoly. I won big time. that was a first for me. I don't do games, usually. I had a great time. I really was being obnoxious and lauding it over my friends. I was half kidding. anyway, it broke up a very long Shabbat day. yesterday at the synagogue, two men nearly came to fist a cuff's. it was quite shocking. the women were freaked out. anyway, this heat wave is getting us all a bit crazy.
my charge, went home this afternoon. she really is doing well and I don't perceive any real problems. she has a support group and I promised to send over some turkey meatballs this week. today I made her French toast from a leftover Shabbat roll. I have been making homemade applesauce every day and I cooked enough chicken so that we were able to have a dinner each night. I sent home the leftover homemade chumus and was happy to give it up. I did some laundry for her and then actually did some for myself. too. I couldn't bring myself to bathe her dog. I wish I could.
my niece's wedding is in 3 weeks. I really have to lose a bunch of weight. it might just be a fruit fast for me. we shall see. today, I ate a ton of food. i have to start moving. I have my gyn appt. soon and i'll be so embarrassed to show up so out of shape.
Friday, May 12, 2017
Friday Morning
it is 11;00 a.m. in the holy city of safed. I am zonked. I just finished washing the floors. the house is trashed. I currently have 3 doggies in the house. no, I did not find and adopt another dog. my friend is recovering from an emergency gallbladder surgery at my house. her very decrepit dog is here with me now. I think she is pushing 20. my friend went to see her family doctor. my elderly pincher is pretty stinky, but this dog really reeks and scratches bald patches on her fur. and she has raken to making turkey like gobbling noises.
I am still coughing but otherwise, I am doing better from last week's virus or flu. the heat wave is intense. I find that I cannot be out in the heat. I easily, get dizzy and have to lie down. I have to taxi it home with the grandchildren. they are not so keen to walk in the heat, either. my house is still comfortable and with the aid of fans, it's very doable. at night, it gets cold. is it any wonder that I'm sick all the time? I have been 'nursing' my friend back to health. she really isn't doing badly. she didn't have an open surgery so she doesn't have a huge cut. i'm afraid I became overbearing about her changing her diet now. I read about how a high fiber diet is beneficial after this type of surgery. my friend likes her rich food and her meat. I know I am not a doctor or nutritionist. I just get passionate about what I read online. I have to buy a strong room freshener because of the dogs, now.
I know that in my own way, I have let myself go, as well. most of my codependent behavior hang ups has led me to overeat recently. so by my giving my friend a push in the right direction; hopefully I will also change around my lifestyle. right now I am like a drill sergeant/life coach/dietician and cook. I really should turn it around on myself and get myself moving once and for all.
I am planning on making a very simple Shabbat meal. I will serve, sautéed chicken, baked potatoes, beets and chumus and spinach greens. we will have homemade sugarless applesauce for dessert. bye bye to Ben And Gerry's, white flour , fried schnitzel and hard cheese. hello to whole wheat rolls, spinach and cottage cheese.
I had the grandkids with me yesterday and they were calm and happy and serene. we went to a local park and they didn't fight. there were no meltdowns or shouting scenes. it was so great. my grandson decided to tidy up the playground and collected a bit of garbage. my granddaughter spongered the front hall when we got home. there is a lot of pish in this house right now with 3 dogs. I showered them and made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. they had hot chocolate and potato chips and watched some t.v. before their dad picked them up.
I am still really tired today regardless of the lack of aggravation yesterday. what can I do? I can go to the supermarket now and buy some fruit and veggies for Shabbat. my son left be about 70 beer bottles to return to the supermarket. he knows I like to return them and I encourage the grandkids to help recycle, too. but I doubt that I have the physical strength today to schlep them with my shopping cart. I always use the return money to buy treats for the kids.
I am still coughing but otherwise, I am doing better from last week's virus or flu. the heat wave is intense. I find that I cannot be out in the heat. I easily, get dizzy and have to lie down. I have to taxi it home with the grandchildren. they are not so keen to walk in the heat, either. my house is still comfortable and with the aid of fans, it's very doable. at night, it gets cold. is it any wonder that I'm sick all the time? I have been 'nursing' my friend back to health. she really isn't doing badly. she didn't have an open surgery so she doesn't have a huge cut. i'm afraid I became overbearing about her changing her diet now. I read about how a high fiber diet is beneficial after this type of surgery. my friend likes her rich food and her meat. I know I am not a doctor or nutritionist. I just get passionate about what I read online. I have to buy a strong room freshener because of the dogs, now.
I know that in my own way, I have let myself go, as well. most of my codependent behavior hang ups has led me to overeat recently. so by my giving my friend a push in the right direction; hopefully I will also change around my lifestyle. right now I am like a drill sergeant/life coach/dietician and cook. I really should turn it around on myself and get myself moving once and for all.
I am planning on making a very simple Shabbat meal. I will serve, sautéed chicken, baked potatoes, beets and chumus and spinach greens. we will have homemade sugarless applesauce for dessert. bye bye to Ben And Gerry's, white flour , fried schnitzel and hard cheese. hello to whole wheat rolls, spinach and cottage cheese.
I had the grandkids with me yesterday and they were calm and happy and serene. we went to a local park and they didn't fight. there were no meltdowns or shouting scenes. it was so great. my grandson decided to tidy up the playground and collected a bit of garbage. my granddaughter spongered the front hall when we got home. there is a lot of pish in this house right now with 3 dogs. I showered them and made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. they had hot chocolate and potato chips and watched some t.v. before their dad picked them up.
I am still really tired today regardless of the lack of aggravation yesterday. what can I do? I can go to the supermarket now and buy some fruit and veggies for Shabbat. my son left be about 70 beer bottles to return to the supermarket. he knows I like to return them and I encourage the grandkids to help recycle, too. but I doubt that I have the physical strength today to schlep them with my shopping cart. I always use the return money to buy treats for the kids.
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