No Tu b'shvat Seder This Year

it is 10:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat.  I have already made the chicken and fish meals for Shabbat.  I defrosted some turkey meatballs and artichoke hearts from the first snow day a while back.  as I previously wrote, I spent the entire day cooking and baking.  I have leftover lemon cake and orange poopy seed cake in the freezer but the big kids don't like leftovers.  unless they read the blog, they will never know that the meatballs are not freshly cooked.

I went to town to buy veggies for Shabbat and fruits for tu b'shvat.  I have a brochure to make a Seder in Hebrew.  I persuaded my son to perform such a Seder on Tuesday night for the little kids.  it entails reading Hebrew torah passages and eating 15 items that correspond to the passages.  I always make a Seder for ladies and provide 30 varieties of nuts and fruits.  I just can't do it this year.  I took out my recipes and notes and put them back in the closet.  I just don't have the strength or finances to make a big deal this year.

I truly hate to disappoint my ladies but I don't have it together to perform and lead a Seder.  I didn't really think that anyone still wanted to come.  this one has gum problems, and this one is on a diet and this one goes to bed early,etc.  I actually had 4 people wanting to come that I know about.  I guess I could have invited a few more ladies to round out the table but I just didn't go for it.  I've been doing this for 25 years or more.  I just couldn't summon any inner strength.  I am tired.  I've been tired since I came back from the hospital last week.  I've had a head cold that doesn't leave.  I'm just plain worn out.

the weather, which fluctuates from extreme cold to extreme warmth, is playing havoc with our immune systems.  I am never feeling energized.  I am eating way too much, which doesn't help the situation in the least.  although I've kept away form sugar this month, I've recently started on the dried fruits.  every year at this time, I lose control and gain a ton of weight.  it always starts after tu b'shvat.  I found some lovely new recipes too, but it costs a small fortune to create them.  I am keeping it simple this year.  I say this but I still spent nearly $100 today.

it is supposed to rain tomorrow.  we had a summer like day today.  l went to town coatless.  I have a few errands to take care of on Sunday.  I have a few more fruit items to buy.  I need to settle my accounts at the water company and city tax office.  it's a lot of running around and a lot of paper work and of course, a lot of money.  I am thinking about  Pesach.   I just want to skip Purim and go right to the main event.  I recently had the roof repaired and am finally rid of the pigeons.  I need to clean out the roof one of these days.

I just need strength.  I am planning on baking a crust less cheesecake tomorrow.  it is one of those simple, no fail recipes, using vanilla pudding and whipped cream.  the kids love it.  I usually make carob brownies and some coconut dish but not this year.  perhaps, i'll do some baking next week with the leftover tu b'shvat dried fruits.  I bought many packs of prepared chestnuts to make my famous tu b'shvat soup but I ended up eating all of the chestnuts for snacks.  I bought chocolate raisins and two types of fruit leather that just might make it to tu b'shvat.

I can't come up with a supper menu for after the Seder of fruits.  one year I incorporated 30 varieties of fruits and nuts into our Shabbat meals. it was amazing!  the Thai lychee coconut chicken stir fry was the most crazy I went.  my lychee fried donuts were pretty cool too.  and how can you forget the non gluten, sugar free, carob coconut soufflé I made for a friend with food issues..  I just can't do it again.  I'm played out.  I had to control myself from adding prunes and dried apricots to the chicken today.  my head is definitely into tu b'shvat.  my heart isn't truly involved.  the rest of the body is tired.

Letting Go

it is 11:30 a.m.in the holy city of zefat. I finally got a new computer. my son and daughter-in-law took me to another town to change the wi fi modem.  we do not have a telephone store in zefat.  it was over six years old, I think.  I think the computer was also a relic.  I think we bought it in 2000.  we did have it restored once or twice but it was definitely time to get rid of it.  I had been using xp 2003 forever.

I am now in the world of windows 8.  I sure hope my blog will be readable now.  I applaud you out there who read my long runaway paragraphs.  we went to several stores at the mall before I found my new computer.  the first place, which was recommended by a friend, wasn't very cordial, helpful or amenable to many checks.  the second place didn't accept checks at all and voila, the third place took 12 checks.

I treated the three of us to a quick dinner at a grill joint.  I think it was the first time we all sat down to eat together out of the house.  the kids were hungry after work and it was getting late.  the little kids were at the other grandma.  we were all free. after we bought the computer it was the daughter-in-law's turn to shop.  I hate shopping.  I hate malls.  at my current overweight status, the last thing I want to do is try on clothes.  we had a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law bonding over a stylish coat that I encouraged her to buy on sale.

we went into fancy housewares shops to look around.  I am at the point in my life that I do not want to buy any more housewares.  I do need juice glasses but I can always pick some up at the supermarket.  at my age, almost 64, I want to definitely simplify.   the mall finally closed and it was time to go home and pick up the little kids.  I was the only one worried about the kids.  I felt guilty that it was close to 10:00 p.m.

my son installed the computer but I was too tired to enjoy it.  I do not go out a lot.  I only travel to go to hospital visits.  I hadn't been in this town in over 20 years.  we are talking about a 40 minute bus ride.  I feel like an antique.  my son was on a mission to get his play station games up to a good speed.  the new modem  didn't really help much.  the wi fi upstairs in my home is his only source of internet access.  I pay for internet and he pays for cable t.v.

he tried to hook a very long cable through my window in my blog room to his living room downstairs.  it left my window and my grandson's window open a crack.  I went ballistic.  it was freezing in the house as we had incredibly cold weather, and I worried about my grandson's health.  it was not pleasant, to say the least.  we had a real blow out one day.  the kids bought a huge new plasma t.v. for their living room downstairs.  after all, if I could afford a new computer, they could also afford to indulge, too. 

I couldn't believe that they would be so wreck less.  they don't pay rent here because they are still in debt from their failed shoe store.  they offered  me their small flat screen that I had bought them a few years ago.  they actually thought that they were being very generous.  I did need a new t.v. but I couldn't swing any more checks. I think you can all see the irony here.  I came very close to asking my son to move again.  we both came close to a break up once again.  I locked my door as if that could keep him out.

I am free today.  no babysitting duty.  I also didn't need to do Shabbat meals.  I stayed home with a head cold and made myself some soup.  I went to  my friends yesterday for lunch and had a nice time.  I was too tired to come home after the meal.  I thought about going for a walk to visit my sister and her kids but I didn't have the strength.  I came home after Shabbat ended.  I am still tired today.

I have been on a diet for a month already and have only lost about 2 kilos.  it's hard in the winter to cut down on carbs.  I haven't binged or indulged in any sugar but I haven't really cut any calories or  done any exercise.  I am not one for portion control.  I'm freezing in my house and spend the day on the t.v. sofa under the comforter with the dogs.  I tried cutting out bread but I would eat, way, too many nuts.  I skipped fruit but I was too cold to eat salad.  I started eating lentils and buckwheat but I probably ate too many.  it's still good that I didn't gain any more, I guess.

I couldn't wait to start throwing things out.  I got to dispose of the old computer and speakers and modem and all sorts of discs and programs relating to it.  I felt so empowered.  I went to my living room closet and started tossing things.  I had old phones and recharges, and all sort of boxes.  I then threw out old extension cords and all sorts of telephone wires that I had stored.  I felt free.  I then took on a challenge and started sorting the family photos.  I threw out all of the baby pix of my siblings and their kids.  they were my parents' copies anyway.  I resorted my photos for 2 days.  it was a bit creepy ripping up photos but what the heck.

I went to telaviv for my gyn and neurosurgeon consults.  I got a clean bill of health from the gyn.  the neurosurgeon wants to operate.  he says that the tumor is causing my brain to suffer, whatever that means. he agreed to keep on monitoring it.  I have another half of year to live my life until I do another brain MRI.  I want to continue sorting papers and objects.  perhaps i'll get lighter if I dispose of some more things.

Parenting

it is 11:30 a.m.in the holy city od zefat. the cold wave finally ended today. i heard it was -13 celcius in the holy land. they say it was the coldest in the history of the state. it is a brisk sunny day and i am catching up on laundry. i thought about using the dryer but i ended up hanging it all up outside in the sun. a bottle of olive oil froze on my kitchen counter which shows you how cold it was in the house. i have already shed a few undergarments today. i'm only wearing:knee socks, exercize tights, legwarmers and woolen house boots on the legs today. my arms are cold without the heavy sweater that i took off. i didn't need a coat in the sun downstairs. yesterday i wore a fur hat and down coat and still, couldn't deal with the cold. the house is freezing. we do not have central heating. we use space heaters in individual rooms. unless you are sitting in front of a hater you never are warm. the stone houses are not insulated and do not maintain heat. i had a horrific day with the kids yesterday. when i picked up my grandson i was told that he had maliciously scratched another boy on the face, drawing blood. i hardlly had the time to digest the news when he attacked his sister at home. apparently, she was teasing him and he punched her on the back several times. i got him distracted for a time until he once again, beat her on the back and started to bite her on the face and head. i quickly hit him hard on the head to get him off of her. she was zcreaming bloody murder. and he started to scream after i hit him. i know it was wrong to hit him on the head. i also potched his behind very hard. the 3 year old girl was hysterically crying and the 5 year old boy turned on me. i wanted him to go into his room for a rime out. he threw things at me and hit me several times. he started screaming like a maniac while the kittle girl kept on crying. i put up my hands to protect myself from flying objects and physical blows. i couldn't lift him and drag him away. he is a very strong and heavy little boy. i felt useless. somehow, i persuaded him to let me hold him and carry him into the bedroom for a time out. i explained that he needed some time alone to think about what happened and to chill out. i never raised my voice. i was thoroughly freaked out that i couldn't hold my own, physically, with a 5 year old child. he seemed quite alright in his room. it took awhile to calm down the 3 year old. my grandson brutally bit his sister on her back the day before. i never reported it to his parents. they came home late from work. i started to imagine the future of the 5 year old bully. i know i am a drama queen but i can't stand violence. i called the daughter-in-law at work to ask if they were going to a parenting class that evening. i told her to discuss this recent violent behavior. the big kids came home after 9:00 p.m. the little kids had been good the rest of the day and were getting along great together. i had expected the parents to come home immediately after the parenting class to deal with the situation. it was way past the little kids' bedtime when they finally came home. i guess they expected the kids to already be asleep. i was disappointed once agian, by the lack of interest, i perceived on their part. they both spoke to my grandson who seemed ashamed of his behavior. i feel it was too little and too late. his mother said that her boy's scratching another boy was probably out of provocation. she said that in parenting class they said that kids were violent at all ages. they claimed that biting was normal up until 5 or 6 years old. parenting has sure changed since i was a mom. i'm sure Doctor spock wouldn't agree with today's parenting advice. the dad,my son, accused me of being overly dramatic. if i refuse to take care of the kids they might get the message. i don't know why i do not evoke fear in my grandchildren or my dogs. they all do as they please. they all order me around like i am their servant. i guess i am not very good at parenting now and probably i never was.

Let It Snow

it is 3:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. we have been on snow alert since last wednesday. it has snowed on and off for days. the schools were closed and it was too nasty to be outdoors. the snow never really stuck for long. we had huge cracks of lightning and thunder that were quite unpleasant. there waasn't any sun and so the kids didn't get to play in any of the snow. my hugest worry was that the power would go out. after a couple of days of trying to get a gas balloon, i finally succeded before shabbat. we found an independent salesman. i did all of my cooking for shabbat on wednesday. i baked cranberry muffins and a lemon cake. i made rounds of oatmeal. i spent the entire day cooking meals for the week. we ate well on shabbat. i prepared candles in strategic places all over the house. as it turns out we didn't need them. i think i made 3 runs to the supermarket between sunday and monday to buy bread, milk, veggies and lots of nash and chocolate. i imagined being stuck in the cold without hot food and drink, so i kept my gas on. as it turned out, we didn't need to. it was reported to be colder than -5 celcius. i can't ever remember such cold. i had 3 heaters going to keep us comfortable. we still were all in multi layers of clothing. you would not expect such weather in the middle east. in jerusalem people bought out shovels, oil heaters, and generators. after last year's storm, nobody wanted to be unprepared. i think we all kind of panicked. the kids, little and big, were all going stir crazy, and everyone was uptight being home. i'm used to being a shut in. on saturday all of the water boiler caps exploded. most people were left without any water. i have a turn off valve in my house so we were only left witout hot water until this morning. i think we spent way too much time together as a family, camped in front of my new heater, for hours at a time on shabbat. i ran to the electric apppiance store on wednesday to buy another heater. it was pouring outside. the large supermarket was having a grand opening and they were literally, giving away things. i was under pressure to get home to pick up the kids so i couldn't really buy anything. i am glad the 'storm' is over. we are being told that we may be in for another round of snow. it is absolutely freezing outside. i have no desire to go anywhere. i do have two hospital visits next week. last sunday there was zero visibility on the roads in zefat. it was hair raising until we got to rosh pina, a nearby town. i got to tel aviv at 4:30 a.m. i was finished at 6:00 a.m. and headed by bus to the train station. i enjoyed a fast ride back. i couldn't rest when i got home. the reported storm was freaking me out. i did what i could and bought a ton of candles, 2 gas balloons, and tons of food. the rest is up to the above. let it snow.

Happy Birthday To You!

it is 3;00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i am downstairs with the grandkids blogging on my son's machine. my computer is kaplutz. every day one of the kids has a meltdown before we enter the house. it is usually over who got the key to open the door. sometimes it's a kid who didn't get carried home. 0ccassionally, it's both kids freaking out together. i usually ignore them and risk the dirty looks form the other parents. it is unheard of here to let a kid cry. today is my son's jewish birthday. we don't go by the gregorian calendar. he was actually born on the 6th of january,28 years ago. since borh kids are working late i decided to throw a small party for him last night. i didn't have to babysit or cook on friday so i went out to get a present for him. i was asked to make a potato kugel so i set out for the big supermarket. i got a lift with a neighbor. the supermarket was under reconstruction and it was a huge balagon to find anything. i found the vegetables, which were in a totally different section of the store. it was a huge mess. why they were open under those conditions on a friday before shabbat, is uncomprehensible. i left the store without buying a birthday cake. i decided not to make a birthday cake from scratch. my track record hasn't been too good for cakes lately. i went next store to the pharmacy to buy a cologne for him. he had requested a certain one. it was over $100 and i passed on it. there were some half priced colognes but i had no idea which ones he liked. i had no desire to start testing perfumes. those days are over. i looked all over the store for gift ideas. i wanted some momento of his favorite soccer team but there wasn't a thing. i ended up buying some socks, underware, deoderant and body gel. i spent about $30 and about 2 hours of my time. i felt a bit cheap. i went back to the supermarket to try and find a cake. i finally found one and spent another $20. i was too tired to bus it home so i came home in a taxi. i didn't buy enough potatoes to make a large kugel so i ended up making a potato loaf and a noodle zucchini loaf. i also made a cheesecake. yes folks, i made yet another cheesecake. it cost over $10 to make. when i came home i explained my dilemna at both the supermarket and the pharmacy to the daughter-in-law. at least the lady at the perfume counter wtapped up all of the items to make a nice looking package. the daughter-in-law approved. i, of course, showed her the cake. she thought it was a bit pricey. she ended up buying the cologne for half price and a soccer play station game for my son, her husband. i offered to pay for half of the cologne but she declined. i offered to pick up the kids while she shopped so she wouldn't have that added pressure. i had to make the kugels and cheesecake while the kids were upstairs with me. i also made some jello. she came back and i didn't have to shower the kids. it was pretty close to candle kighting by then. i went downstairs while she picked up my son from work. the little kids told their father all about the gifts, cake and party before shabbat. my son got to wear his new cologne. another young couple with a small son and new born came for shabbat. the boy was sick and the baby was fussy. the food was pretty good. they brought baked salmon and salads and the daughter-in-law made soup and stir fry wraps. i provided the jello and store bought cookies. we also had two bottles of wine. i drank a large amount of sweet muscat white wine and had a huge headache later that night. i ate way too much, too. i went to sleep rather late that night. we usually all go to bed around 8:00 p.m. on friday night. the kids stayed up until 1:00 a.m. and i went to bed with my grandson at 11:30 p.m. he was way, overtired. i got up at 7:30 a.m. and my grandson got up shortly after he wet the bed. we were the only ones to be up. my son got up to go ro the synagogue at close to 10:00 a.m. the other young farher was very busy with his son who had soiled himself. my son was in a really awful nood. perhaps it was also a wine hangover. we ended up eating at around 12:00 p.m. everyone was in pajamas. the little boy was really crabby. no one took an afternoon nap. we usually all go to sleep at around 1:00 p.m. as soon as shabbat ended, i went upstairs to defrost the birthday cake. the young women did the dishes and the floors. the little kids were watching television. my son was in a horrible mood. we had had words in the afternoon. i didn't like how he was handling the kids. he let me know that i had been a lousy mother, once again. he asked me if i wanted to be the kids' mother. i was really ticked off at him. i didn't feel like coming back downstairs. i did so for the grandkids and not for my own son. although he had seemed impressed that i had bought him the latest deoderant for men, he didn't show any appreciation for my efforts to celebrate his birthday. the wife and the little kids were frantically blowing up balloons for him. he wanted to go out on the town with his wife and couldn't sit still for a cople of moments with his friends,kids and me. i told him that i wasn't going to sit for him. i didn't like his attitude at all. my gransdon came upstairs at 10:00 p.m. to ask me to put him to sleep. wile i told him betime stories, his young parents went out for the night. my son called a little while ago to thank me for all my efforts and to apologize for being such a downer. apparently, he doesn't do well on birthdays. go know! i am happy that the computer is working. i hope it makes paragraphs. i know how hard it is to read my blog without them.

Chanukah 2014

it is 11:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. it is the last day of chanukah. the kids are back at gan. i have to pick them up at 2:00 p.m. i have been in a funk for days. can't seem to get myself together or out into the world. i turned up going to two chanukah parties. i am stuck in my own head. i tried to make chanukah memorable. my family was united over the last shabbat and i found myself unable to get over to my sister's for the reunion. it's not like i was invited but i still, wanted to make the effort to see everyone. i think it's the extra weight that is getting me down. i have no clothes, either. i'm stuck in my house robes. i went out before chanukah to buy choclate coins, coloring books, laizer dreidels and a chanukah cd to make it fun for the kids. i ended up not making potato latkes this year. i couldn't face it. one day i did make corn fritters. i made a dairy meal the first night. i served sweet potato ravioli with two sauces. i made a cream sauce for my son and a tomato sauce for my daughter-in-law who hates the cream sauce. i had the kids with me and they were occupied with the cd, dreidels and coloring books, for the most part. i made a dinner for my mother's 6th passing and it ended up being a chanukah party. i served lasagna, cheesecake, green salad, and bagget with garlic butter. we played dreidel with chocolate coins, sang all of the chanukah songs and played chanukah trivia. i spent hours researching questions to make it funny. it was a sweet night. i didn't get down to visit my mom's grave. i went into a decline right after the party. i have a brain mri in a couple of weeks followed by two hospital visits. i am in a bad frame of mind. i set up 3 chanukiahs all week long. the little kids were very happy to light candles each night alongside their dad, who lit the large one facing outside the window. yes,i poured the oil and added fresh cotton wicks each night. i did have moments of joy last week i will admit. i started to think that perhaps it is time for me to take some type of pill. i can't get happy. my son is on ritilin and a sister is on anti depressents. i binge eat all the time and feel pretty awful afterwards. the doctors are so willing to give me something. i don't know why i fight it. i don't have to make shabbat meals this week. the kids are having a shabbaton downstairs with friends. i am, of course, invited to join them. i am too preoccupied with the financial difficulties of the moment to feel free. i know i should have a better attitude but i don't. i am in a real zelda funk. it is a beautiful day outside and i should be out in the sun and not buried under my blanket. oh well.......

Happy To Blog

it is 3:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. it has been way too long since i last blogged. it was due to a computer mal function as well as a personal mal function on my part. i am currently downstairs watching the kids. i am not feeling well at all. i actually went to the doctor yesterday to make sure that i was not sick. as everyone knows, i hardly ever do that. i usually consult my homeopath. my throat is killing me. in the past month or so, each member of my family has had a throat infection. some of the members got antibiotics and some went without medication. i only run to doctors for the referrals that i need for the hospital tests and visits. my insurance carrier recently refused the MRI request for my back. yes,they actually needed more information from the neurosurgeon. i had already decided not to do one anyway because i didn't feel like traveling to the south of the country while we were having ketushas dropping and mad men stabbing random individuals. i didn't even know that my request for the procedure had been denied. it kind of ticked me off, to say the least. after all, i am still considered to be a cancer patient. i discovered a new female doctor at my clinic. she seems genuinely interested in her patients. i get to vent about my past illness and she seems to get it. she doesn't tell me horror stories about her previous patients nor does she vent about how little she earns, like the seasoned doctors do. i have never been one to prefer a female doctor but this one i really like. i actually felt at peace with the world after seeing her. as usual, i had a bit of a meltdown at the clinic last week.

once again, my paperwork came back addressed to the wrong hospital. and once again, i complained about the inefficiency of that office. i got nowhere with the office person and all of the aggravation made me sick, once again. i'm sure they view me there as a crackpot. i don't even care. i had an MRI scheduled for 3:00 a.m. that next morning and the insurance carrier would only provide a taxi one way. i was obviously concerned about my return to zefat at such an unholy hour of the day. i was pretty sure that i would have to hang out there for a couple of hours until daybreak and i just couldn't bare the thought of being there any longer. as i tried to explain to this bureaucratic office worker, the actual MRI takes a lot out of one's self. once again, i was reminded that i could do these tests closer to home. i countered as usual, with the fact that they knew my case right there in tel hashomer. so much for dealing with bureaucrats.

 i am sick and my throat is burning. i also got into a tiff with the check out lady at the big supermarket that morning. i tried to return two cans of coconut cream at the check out counter. i had bought them thinking that they were half priced. i was rudely informed by the check out gal that the sale was only on coconut 'liquid' and not cream. go know the difference! i even went back to check out the sign again. yes, there it was in microscopic letters coconut 'liquid'. the fact that there were only cans of coconut cream on that shelf next to the half priced sign with identical pix of the cans of cream didn't seem to matter. as i approached that same check out gal, the very next day, with my new purchases and the two cans of coconut cream, she rudely told me that i had no right to bring food items into the store. she rudely pointed to the store's front office and rudely explained that people have to approach the woman at the counter. yes, she pointed to the same lady from the day before, who told me to approach the check out lady in aisle 1. when i answered that the counter lady had referred me to her, aisle 1 gal, she rudely told me that the counter lady wasn't the manager and that i should have gone to the office in the back. is there any wonder that i don't leave my house too often and deal with the public? my last errand of that day was to return a deodorant spray that i had bought the day before on sale at the pharmacy. it was a "buy one and get the second one for a shekel" sale. i reached for two dove deodorants. when i got home i realized that i had bought a generic brand instead of the dove. i have been using dove deodorant spray for years. the generic body sprays don't do the trick for me. i asked the salesgal if i could exchange the one deodorant. she told me that according to the board of health it was illegal to return deodorants. really?? when i reasoned that it was still in the same bag that i had purchased it in, she once again, told me that it was against the law. she repeated the mantra over and over again. i then addressed a young man who may have been in a managerial position for help. he wanted to help. apparently, he never heard about the health department's edict but couldn't help because the sale was over already. there was a difference of about 6 shekels which threw them both into a quandary. i offered to add the amount and they gave me the deodorant.

 i got home and went to bed. i was genuinely tired after my outing. i had even walked home. i had stopped off at my friends' home to rake their leaves before they returned from america that night. it took about an hour and a half to get the job done. i had gone over almost every day to leave food for their outdoor cats. that's right, rain or shine i braved it out of my house and over to my friend's home. admittedly, it is all of about a seven minute walk. i don't think i had the kids with me that day. i actually had quite a break from babysitting last week. the kids went away for shabbat so i was also spared from cooking shabbat meals. i did make a pot of chicken soup with turkey meatballs and some rice to bring to my friends. i also stocked their fridge with staples because i knew they'd be tired. i spent the shabbat morning reading a fascinating book about the peace agreement with sadat that ended with us returning the sinai. i guess you could say that it was the beginning of the end for us in terms of having to give back land for peace. it was amazing that world opinion hasn't changed about us one bit since the 70's. i had some chicken soup and went to bed about 7:00 p.m. on friday night. i slept until the next morning. i felt awful. the house was very cold but it was quite warm outside in the sun. i sat outside for about an hour but felt dizzy and queezy. i went back to bed until the afternoon. i got up and dressed and went over to see my friends. i stayed until about an hour after the sabbat ended. i was feeling unwell.

 i have been binge eating for a couple of months now and living in my house robes. i have put on a ton of weight and my stomach is huge and swollen. getting dressed is not easy. my clothes no longer fit. i started a diet once again yesterday. yesterday the big kids threw a birthday party for my granddaughter. she turned 3 on shabbat. i had wanted to buy her a pink tricycle but i never made it to town. i bought her two talking stuffed toys from the magic garden television show. they weren't cheap. she got two talking baby dolls from the sephardi family. one actually cries until you put the pacifier in its mouth. it is actually quite annoying. my grandson pretty much adopted the stuffed toys for himself. my granddaughter kept thinking they were teletubby dolls. oh well!

 the party was excruciating for me. young nursing mothers, 3 newborn babies, and a slew of little kids running all over the place. originally, my daughter-in-law wanted the party upstairs in my living room. lucky for me that she changed her mind. we have an enormous laundry room downstairs which co-functions as a playroom. i was once again put upon to make a cheesecake. i ran to the store to buy honey because the sephardi grandma was making morracan crepes. these non dairy crepes are not filled but served plain with honey. i can't stand them. they are quite doughy.

before the party i cleaned and shlepped in all of the plastic chairs that i could find and even brought down some of my kitchen chairs. i dragged in two large plastic tables from outside and another heavy folding table from the neighbor. my friend had given me some party goods from the states and i put a huge plastic disposable tablecloth on the wall which covered up the water damaged plaster and added a festive party look. the entire wall was covered in balloons. i usually stay upstairs when they have kids' parties but yesterday i was in it til the end. at one point i made hot chocolate for all the kids and served coffee ad tea to all their mothers. there were loads of cold drinks but everyone seemed to prefer hot drinks. there were tons of candy and nash but no real food for a party set at supper time. the sephardi grandma's batter didn't work so she turned it into fried donuts. there was birthday cake, cheesecake and fried donuts. not a great day to start a diet. i still think pizza or some other food dish like spaghetti would have been more appropriate. what can i say? i'm from another generation, another country and another planet apparently. i don't like a lot of kids running around and i don't love babies.