Letting Go

it is 11:30 a.m.in the holy city of zefat. I finally got a new computer. my son and daughter-in-law took me to another town to change the wi fi modem.  we do not have a telephone store in zefat.  it was over six years old, I think.  I think the computer was also a relic.  I think we bought it in 2000.  we did have it restored once or twice but it was definitely time to get rid of it.  I had been using xp 2003 forever.

I am now in the world of windows 8.  I sure hope my blog will be readable now.  I applaud you out there who read my long runaway paragraphs.  we went to several stores at the mall before I found my new computer.  the first place, which was recommended by a friend, wasn't very cordial, helpful or amenable to many checks.  the second place didn't accept checks at all and voila, the third place took 12 checks.

I treated the three of us to a quick dinner at a grill joint.  I think it was the first time we all sat down to eat together out of the house.  the kids were hungry after work and it was getting late.  the little kids were at the other grandma.  we were all free. after we bought the computer it was the daughter-in-law's turn to shop.  I hate shopping.  I hate malls.  at my current overweight status, the last thing I want to do is try on clothes.  we had a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law bonding over a stylish coat that I encouraged her to buy on sale.

we went into fancy housewares shops to look around.  I am at the point in my life that I do not want to buy any more housewares.  I do need juice glasses but I can always pick some up at the supermarket.  at my age, almost 64, I want to definitely simplify.   the mall finally closed and it was time to go home and pick up the little kids.  I was the only one worried about the kids.  I felt guilty that it was close to 10:00 p.m.

my son installed the computer but I was too tired to enjoy it.  I do not go out a lot.  I only travel to go to hospital visits.  I hadn't been in this town in over 20 years.  we are talking about a 40 minute bus ride.  I feel like an antique.  my son was on a mission to get his play station games up to a good speed.  the new modem  didn't really help much.  the wi fi upstairs in my home is his only source of internet access.  I pay for internet and he pays for cable t.v.

he tried to hook a very long cable through my window in my blog room to his living room downstairs.  it left my window and my grandson's window open a crack.  I went ballistic.  it was freezing in the house as we had incredibly cold weather, and I worried about my grandson's health.  it was not pleasant, to say the least.  we had a real blow out one day.  the kids bought a huge new plasma t.v. for their living room downstairs.  after all, if I could afford a new computer, they could also afford to indulge, too. 

I couldn't believe that they would be so wreck less.  they don't pay rent here because they are still in debt from their failed shoe store.  they offered  me their small flat screen that I had bought them a few years ago.  they actually thought that they were being very generous.  I did need a new t.v. but I couldn't swing any more checks. I think you can all see the irony here.  I came very close to asking my son to move again.  we both came close to a break up once again.  I locked my door as if that could keep him out.

I am free today.  no babysitting duty.  I also didn't need to do Shabbat meals.  I stayed home with a head cold and made myself some soup.  I went to  my friends yesterday for lunch and had a nice time.  I was too tired to come home after the meal.  I thought about going for a walk to visit my sister and her kids but I didn't have the strength.  I came home after Shabbat ended.  I am still tired today.

I have been on a diet for a month already and have only lost about 2 kilos.  it's hard in the winter to cut down on carbs.  I haven't binged or indulged in any sugar but I haven't really cut any calories or  done any exercise.  I am not one for portion control.  I'm freezing in my house and spend the day on the t.v. sofa under the comforter with the dogs.  I tried cutting out bread but I would eat, way, too many nuts.  I skipped fruit but I was too cold to eat salad.  I started eating lentils and buckwheat but I probably ate too many.  it's still good that I didn't gain any more, I guess.

I couldn't wait to start throwing things out.  I got to dispose of the old computer and speakers and modem and all sorts of discs and programs relating to it.  I felt so empowered.  I went to my living room closet and started tossing things.  I had old phones and recharges, and all sort of boxes.  I then threw out old extension cords and all sorts of telephone wires that I had stored.  I felt free.  I then took on a challenge and started sorting the family photos.  I threw out all of the baby pix of my siblings and their kids.  they were my parents' copies anyway.  I resorted my photos for 2 days.  it was a bit creepy ripping up photos but what the heck.

I went to telaviv for my gyn and neurosurgeon consults.  I got a clean bill of health from the gyn.  the neurosurgeon wants to operate.  he says that the tumor is causing my brain to suffer, whatever that means. he agreed to keep on monitoring it.  I have another half of year to live my life until I do another brain MRI.  I want to continue sorting papers and objects.  perhaps i'll get lighter if I dispose of some more things.