Super Tired

it is 9:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.   I have been working all day to get the sheva bracha together.  we got back from the family wedding at 2:00 a.m.  I ate way too much.  before I went to sleep I munched out on 2 large whole wheat baguettes.   I was so tired and wasted.  I didn't even drink anything.

I had a virus or flu on sunday.  I couldn't function in the morning.  I wanted to glue a few sequins onto my new dressy moccasins.  I couldn't coordinate my hands.  I could hardly focus.  my eyes were very googlely, as we used to say.  I had some chest pains and I thought to myself, at one point, that I might be having a heart attack.  I knew I had to rest a bit.  I made it to town and helped pack up the costumes and props for my friend's play.  unfortunately, she planned the date of the play on the night of my family wedding.  I came for the dress rehearsal and hung out for a few hours.  I was really tired.  the cast was bummed that I couldn't make it to the show.

I made it out of the house at 2:00 p.m. and searched the town for a better dress shoe for the wedding.  between my two wide feet and the bunyan on the right foot, I have a very hard time finding nice looking shoes.  I can only wear square shaped kid leather shoes.  everything else presses into the bone and I suffer.  I found an orthopedic pair of beaded moccasins which definitely, pressed into the bunyan.  I told myself that it was just one night of suffering.  they actually were comfortable until the end of the night when I had the most excruciating pain.

I actually obsessed about the shoes.  I had found a pair of shoes a month ago, that looked like my weekday square shoe with shiny beads.  they had it in silver but not in my size.  I had the sales person order them for me but I never made it back to buy them.  an hour before I was supposed to be picked up, I was in town near the shoe store.  they were closed.  I was devastated.  I spent hours looking for a dressy head covering.

I didn't want to wear the raggedy ann look alike synthetic wig that my friend gave me.  it was bright red and very straight.  the crowd I was being with doesn't wear wigs.  I tried wearing the wig with a netted snood but I felt silly.  I wanted a turban.  I searched the entire town to buy a simple turban.  half an hour before I was supposed to be picked up, I found one.  it was silver with black splotches.  it was very shiny.  it was easy to throw on.

the wedding was very lovely.  it was like a Deja-vu experience being there again.  I married off my son there 8 years ago with my dying mother present.  I looked at the wedding pix and I have aged terribly.  8 years ago I was one hot mama.  I still had eyebrows, a decent figure and a decent wig.  I wore the same dress last night.  somehow I fit into it.  I was a good twenty pounds thinner then.  I looked elegant yesterday but heavy and old.

I had a hard time getting up today.  I finally went downstairs to start setting up for the meal tomorrow night.  I set one table to see how it looked.  I realized that buying the super cheap disposable dishes and cutlery was a mistake.  I should have gone for the designer disposable.  everything else looks good.  I heard all about last night's show.  apparently, it was a great success.  I am happy for everyone.  I can't believe they thought I should ditch the wedding to be at the play.  family comes first.  no play is that important.

I didn't get a chance to dance with the bride last night.  as usual, the granddaughter fell asleep in my lap.  I spent the first part of the wedding feeding the kids.  it was freezing there and I kept myself wrapped in my jacket.  I was very melancholy.  I thought to myself and then made a silent prayer to the 'man' upstairs to let me live to see my grandchildren married.  I am 65 and my granddaughter is 5.  I am a cancer survivor and I still need to have a brain tumor removed. what are the chances?

I washed the lettuce and salad greens and sliced the red cabbage.  tomorrow I will assemble it to make a salad with thousand island dressing.  I have a green cabbage that I want to make into a sweet slaw with walnuts, apples and cranberries.  I made a vat of mashed potatoes yesterday and I just fried up some onions and mushrooms.  hopefully, tomorrow, i'll make a mashed potato kugel.  I ran out of eggs and was too cold and tired to run to the store.

I made some liver teriyaki for my daughter-in-law and her sister.  I made 4 1/2 pounds of Sephardi turkey meatballs and kept pretty much to the recipe.  at the last moment I went renegade and added a teaspoon of allspice.  I think I blew it.  the recipe also calls for frozen peas.  I didn't have any.  I guess tomorrow morning, i'll run out and buy some.  I still have 2 pounds of frozen string beans to make.  I bought chumus and a spicy tomato salad.   I opened 2 cans of diced pineapple.  it had a strange flavor.  can canned fruit go bad???  I added a bunch of desiccated coconut and some honey and ginger.   hopefully, it will taste better after refrigeration.  I have no idea how many people are coming tomorrow.

my grandson has his party for receiving his first prayer book tomorrow.  we will literally come back from the party moments before the guests arrive.  I will have to leave everything on the electric hotplate before I leave for the party.  I don't enjoy the stress.  I haven't had any caffeine today.  I need to get to the store to buy tea, too.   I have to bake a chocolate cake tomorrow.  I am making a variation of a black forest cake.  it will only be one layer smothered in cherry pie filling and covered with chocolate pudding and whipped cream.  something tells me that the Sephardim aren't going to like it.  I ask myself, why do I bother?  they'd be happier with just plain chocolate cake and whipped cream.   why did I have to add so much allspice to the meatball sauce.

this is no time to have leftovers so close to pesach.  I don't have any more freezer space.  I will finish  setting up the downstairs tomorrow morning.  I am beat.  I still haven't bought my matzah and I am beginning to panic.  I  would love to call it a day but I have to stay up because my son is bringing another table for the party after tonight's party.  the bride and groom are having a small 'moving in' party.  it will be cold cuts and salads thus, I won't be serving the cold cuts and pickles that I bought for my party.  I froze one package and will save the other for pesach.  maybe the grandkids will want them.

I made some bulgur and will turn it into a tabouli salad tomorrow with chopped cucumbers and tomatoes and cilantro.  the Sephardi grandma is binging a 'pot' of rice tomorrow so I didn't make a bulgur pilaf.  I hope the meatballs will get eaten.  this Sephardi grandma doesn't use allspice.  what was I thinking?