Letting Go 2015

it is 11:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat.  I should have gone to town to deal with the water bill but nope, I'm still here.  I have been busy taking care of the little kids and have no energy to take care of big zelda.  my personal hygiene has taken a back seat in life.  I have been letting go of things lately.  when I say 'things' I don't, necessarily, mean old grudges and memories.  I have been throwing out a lot of objects lately.

yesterday, I tackled the bookcase in the blog room.  it has been smelling dank in the room.  last year I moved the bookcase away from the wall and removed the wet and crumbly plaster and spackled  the wall.   one of the shelves collapsed so I removed the books.  I searched for a peg of some sort to replace the missing one and found the actual one in my mom's box of metal latches.  I mean, how crazy is that?  it looked like I needed to add a bit of wood glue to plug up the hole before I could insert the peg.  this bookcase has been in the room for 14 years.  it came from the old house in Brooklyn.  it had to be 50 or more years old.

I then removed the rest of the books and moved the bookcase away from the wall.  the wall was intact but the books on the bottom were damp.  I realized that the bookcase was in bad shape.  there was a large hole in the backing and it needed a lot of work.  I decided to chuck the bookcase and its contents.  yes, I finally threw out introductory French and psych from my parents time in college back in the 30's and 40's.  that's not all I threw out, but I am on a roll and cannot look back.  there were a dozen workbooks in Hebrew that I bought when my son was in high school, some 14 years ago.  they were virtually untouched as he dropped out of school at an early age.  I would have normally put an add on the zefat line offering the books for free but I was on a roll.

I saved all of the dictionaries and workbooks in English.  you never know if I'll be tutoring someone some day.  I brought down an antique book case from the roof apartment to use.  my mom always had her chatchkas displayed on it.  there might have been a few books on it too but I can't remember now.  I went through the case of CDS and tossed out a bunch.  as I've already mentioned, I'm on a roll.  ever since my son told me that he was going to throw out everything after I died, I have been doing it for him.   I have recently tossed out dozens of childhood pix.

I think I understand why my mom, in her 80's, tossed out her old love letters.  I have never been a saver.  when my son finished scribbling on paper I always asked him if we needed it.  afterwards, I tossed them.  after breaking up with boyfriends, I tossed their pix.   I ripped up most of my wedding pix when I got divorced.  I'm impulsive about that.  I recently tossed out my son's first birthday crown.  I think my son wouldn't really care about it.  at the same time, I also tossed out my grandson's first birthday crown.  I am getting ruthless in my old age. 

my mom saved everything.  she was a hoarder.  she was in no way as extreme as the t.v. show portrays, but she didn't throw many things out.  she would save the new York times Sunday crossword puzzles and they would be stacked pretty high in her bedroom.  I tossed out the thousands of buttons and zippers she saved while she was sick.  I recently threw out my report cards from both public school and Hebrew school.  I was an 'a' student in both places.  my mom had brought all of my memorabilia to Israel 15 years ago.  I am thinking about tossing my high school year book next.  in the meanwhile, it is lying down on the narrow bookcase.  I have the bride and groom dolls on the top of the bookcase.  I made them when the big kids got married.  they look eerily, like the big kids.

I finally threw out the egg cartons from the small kitchen.  I had a huge collection.  did I say that I'm not a saver?   I also put all of the torah newsletters in a bag to bring to the place where they are buried or burnt.   I have another bag full of torah magazines to give away to the local synagogue.  yes I am getting ready for pesach .  my next project is to organize my medical papers.  I want to get rid of any duplicates.   my mom saved all of her medical and insurance papers for 60 years.  I had the pleasure of tossing it all after she died.  I was sorry afterwards for not saving the papers from her last few years of  illness.  I needed the documentation to write a letter of complaint to the hospital against  negligence.  oh well!

 I was looking around the kitchen and admiring how well kept it looked.  I was thinking to myself that anyone could drop in and I was in good shape until I noticed a pile of bird's feathers scattered under the table.  then I saw the dead bird and the pincher dog with a mouth of feathers.  I tried to sweep the feathers up but only managed to spread the blood on the kitchen floor.  I ended up mopping the floor instead of taking a hot shower and getting dressed.  the weather has seemed to take a change for the worse.   we might just yet, get that snowstorm they are talking about.  I have to take the wet towels out of the washing machine and run to pick up the little kids.