Feeling Sick

it is 3:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat.   i have been fighting off a viral infection for weeks but finally succumbed.  i feel awful.  it's hard to swallow, my throat is sore and i have a dry cough.  my head aches and my eyes hurt.  i tried swallowing a cold tablet last night.  once again, it proved impossible to get a pill down.  i was utterly put off by the whole process.  half of the family was on antibiotics.  the other half is still coughing.  i felt so bad yesterday that i actually wanted to see a doctor.  i didn't have cab fare and i didn't have the strength to walk to the bus stop so it was a no go.  my son did go and was told that it was a cold..

i went off my diet a couple of weeks ago and consumed a ton of sugar.  i think i put back the six pounds that i lost, if not more.  i think that was the reason that i got sick.  i don't know if i'm coming or going.  i spend most of the day in bed, sleeping and watching television.  reading is out of the question.  it hurts my eyes even to blog.  i still have the kids with me and it is hard to cope.  my daughter-in-law was sick and home bound for a few days so she had the kids with her downstairs.  i did a couple of night babysitting stints but it was really hard and i refused to help out last saturday night.  i had had my fill of the kids all of shabbat.  i know that it is not a very nice thing for a grandma to admit.

i made shabbat meals but it was a bit of a struggle.  last week the house was trashed.  all of the dishes were in the sinks from the entire week.  i had run out of dish washing soap and didn't have the energy to go down to the supermarket.  the floors were filthy.  the dogs had pishied all over the house and one dog had thrown up in every room.  the floors were covered in dog hair and sand from the kindergartens.  it was horrible.  i had to choose between cleaning the house or going out and shopping at the supermarket.  i chose washing the floors.  i stood up somehow and started filling the bucket.

i spent about 3 hours doing all the rooms.  i spilled tons of soapy water all through the house.  i was exhausted afterwards.  i didn't have to deal with the kids that day.  i never made it to the supermarket.  the daughter-in-law shopped for the items missing for the shabbat.  she bought some fish, a few veggies, the drinks and milk. i had some chopped chicken and a small piece of beef to cook.  i made a soup with the broth from the sheep's head but it nauseated the big kids. i think it was a bit rich for me , too.  i made a cholent out of barley, potatoes, sweet potatoes and beef.  that came out pretty good.  i took eggs from downstairs and made a noodle kugel, a date loaf and some egg salad.  i had some cabbage and made some slaw.  i made two beet dishes.  one was baked beets cubed with lemon and the other was a raw beet slaw.   i took back the empty bottles on friday morning and with the returned cash bought some sunflower seeds and beer.

 i haven't made it over to the bank all month.  i didn't get any phone calls yet about returned checks so i'm hoping i'm okay.  one of these days i'll face the music. i don't have any income coming in besides from my welfare /disability check.  i'm in a whole.  i don't know what will be.  i haven't paid the water bill yet or the real estate taxes.  i can't really pass about any more checks right now.  i can't take out any more bank loans either.  just thinking about it makes my head ache.

i just signed up for an all day trip next week to some religious sites.   i have never been to hebron and i haven't been to kever rachel in years.  i hope i'll be physically up to the trip.  i was just at the kotel last month and would love to skip it but it is an integral part of the trip.  i can't imagine being out all day and night.  the last time i went to the kotel with my friend we were home by 9:00 p.m.  i don't think i'll get home before 2:00 a.m.    i don't know how i'll really survive the trip.  it is also a bunch of money.  and money that i don't really have.  i guess i can always cancel.  i'll think about it another day or two.