A time To Cry

it is 1:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat.  tomorrow night begins the longest jewish fast.  we mourn the destruction of our holy temples.   everyone is israel has been mourning already for weeks.  we are at war.   last week a neighbor's 22 year old son was killed in action.  i went to the funeral.  we were a thousand strong.  it was awful.  parents, families and community members all over the country are going to these funerals on a daily basis..

we are burying our youth.  the most recent kidnapped soldier was to be married in two weeks.  another soldier left a pregnant widow with a small child.  these are the tragedies that are befalling our nation.  some soldiers entered a boobie trapped building to save babies and were blown to bits.  this is what we hear every day.  every day we have more tragic news.  every day another mother loses a son.  every day, an entire community goes to comfort the families. the lists of the injured keep rising.  we do hear individual miracle stories here and there.   and we do hear of a lot of genorosity too.

we don't need to try and force the mourning of our temples.  we are mourning naturally on a daily basis. our children are our temples.   i have been trying to find recipes online for the pre fast.  i'm thinking red lentil soup and pasta with sweet potatoes.  i could go out and buy sweet potato ravioli but i think i'll make my own dish.  i don't know about eating dairy before the fast.  i can't remember what we ate last year.  it is a very hard fast.  it is really hot again. too.  i have been with the grandson all week and will have both kids later today and all day tomorrow..

i am exhausted.  shabbat was difficult.  my son is still reeling from losing a neighborhood buddy.  i went to pay a shiva call on thursday evening.  it was torture.  the house was filled with women who came to comfort the sisters and mother of the fallen soldier.  i stayed for an hour.  i read some psalms and cried.  i didn't approach the mom.  i couldn't.  i had no words of comfort.  i  was sick afterwards.  what can you say?

 i just finished washing the floors.  the house was totally trashed after shabbat.  the kids were super hyper and running a muck.  i think the parents as well as myself were in no condition to deal with them.  i can't count the number of times drinks were spilled, and plates of food were dumped on the floor.  my neighborhood  friend came over for lunch and i felt bad for her that it was so unruly and noisy. our kids are cracking up from not having gan for over a month.  the poor children in the center of the country and south have spent their summer vacation inside bomb shelters.

i made a special meal for shabbat night.  i feel that the best revenge on our enemies is to eat well.  i made a lovely grilled chicken, a mash potato and mushroom kugel, a string bean and chick pea casserole, a wheat pilaf, a mixed green salad and the usual piquant sephardi style stewed fish.  i also made an eggplant salad, an egg salad, a potato salad, a corn salad, a tomato relish and a very hot tomato salad, too.  of course, we had the standard humus.  i even baked a whole wheat honey cake that i usually make just for rosh hashana.  my son noticed and even commented on the special effort i made to make the shabbat meal.  trust me, i do not ever serve shlop but it just shows how effected my son is by the recent tragedy.  he has been hugging me on a daily basis too.

i just served leftovers for lunch.  i did make a fresh salad.  there was plenty of beer and soft drinks. my friend and i drank Bacardi breezers.  my friend is scared.  she's only been in israel for two years and this is her first war.  it's quiet in the north right now and we are very fortunate.  we are not being forced  into bomb shelters yet.  i feel bad for my friend.  i don't travel much and i'm not running down to the border to bring gifts to the soldiers.  there are many people who are attending to the soldiers from all walks of life.  i am staying close to home where it is relatively quiet.  i'm no hero but i'm coping.

our people, for the most part, are united.  we do have our leftists who are absolutely insane.  they busy themselves making trouble for their fellow jews.   what are we to do?.  the entire world is against us right now.  we are 'baby killers', right?.  i  try not to read the news.  i stay away from watching it on t.v.  bad news seems to reach  me anyway.  there is no where to run and there is no where to hide.

we are getting ready to have paying guests next week.  the kids placed an ad in a religious magazine and we might just be making some money.  that is if it continues to be quiet here. we live our lives day by day. and we pray for peace. the kids and i are getting along and working together for a change.
 




i am exhausted