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it is 5:45 a.m. in the holy city of zefat.   i got up about an hour ago.  i woke up with a spasmodic coughing fit.  i nearly  threw up.  i've been coughing for over a week.  for the most part,  it had been a dry and annoying cough.  both grand kids seemed to have this last week.

it developed into a very wet cough and i've been spitting up phlegm all week long.  it doesn't end.  i lost my voice twice this week.  i have been in bed all week.  i think i had a fever during the week but i didn't make any attempt to measure it.   i just lie in bed all day long.   i didn't have the kids with me at all this week.  i watched them for about an hour yesterday.  they haven't come running up here all week.  i wonder if kids sense illness.

my grandson didn't understand why i was talking in a whisper.  i had the longest, almost silent,  phone conversation of my life yesterday.   my voice would come out for a few words and then fade.  it was all too painful.  a long time acquaintance died this week after undergoing a bypass surgery.  i couldn't make it to the funeral.  the weather has taken a turn for the fall.  it is windy and cold now.

i have heard that there have been some earthquakes in zefat lately.  haven't really felt them up here.  i finally made a doctor's appointment for this morning.  i think it may be time to start antibiotics, not that i am sure about being able to swallow any.  i haven't been drinking much this week.  the only thing that felt good was hot chocolate.

i didn't  take out the ginger or gargle with lemon or anything else home remedy-like.  i just ignored it.  not a very pro active choice.    i think i've more or less given up.   i tried drinking tea but it aggravates my stomach.  my entire body hurts.   my throat is seriously irritated.   i am not a good patient at all.   i'm like an old dog.  i stay in my space and  keep still.   i hope i don't have to go to the hospital for tests today.  i am not in the mood to ravel..  i accepted an appointment close to home,  with a not so great doctor, because i didn't want to go to town.

i didn't call for a home visit because they send mickey mouse russian doctors who are useless.  no offense meant to the russian community.   i don't even know all the words in hebrew to explain my symptoms.  i am not in my element here.  at the hospital in tel aviv,  i get by solely in english.  the  nurses and office staff get peeved at english speakers.  doctors generally, are impressed.  they think they are dealing with a better class of people.  like who doesn't want to speak english?  most israeli english students, for one.

i am in no shape to make shabbat for the kids.  if they want to stay home they can take whatever they need from my freezer and cook it themselves.  i am done.  i need to get into the shower.  i reek!  i heard through my sister that my ex male suitor was texting her about putting me on certain prayer lists.  i didn't understand why he couldn't text me directly so i texted him a thank you.   i was 'enlightened'  that it wasn't proper to contact each other once the arranged shidduch was over.  he did however,  make an exception,  this one time, out of a charitable disposition,  because it dealt with a medical situation.  and to think, that i still miss his company????

i finally did my dishes this morning.  both sinks were over loaded.  i somehow managed to wash the floors in the middle of the week.  i think that i was feeling almost well one day.  by that,  i mean, one day when i wasn't burning up or feeling faint,  i did the floors.  i had lots of leftovers from shabbat, so the dogs and i ate well.  the dogs ate better than i did.  the smell of the meat  and chicken made me nauseous.  i ate the cooked veggies and sauce.  i only lost a couple of pounds.  i was counting on getting thin once again.

i am not looking forward to going to the doctor.  i received a notice from the medical carrier that they were refunding me $50.  i put in receipts for over $600.  some things never change.  that acquaintance who died this week, was also doing a paper tail to recover his severance  and sick day benefits.  he was owed thousands of dollars and was getting the old bureaucratic runaround.  that couldn't have been soothing to his heart.  having this looming over him couldn't have been healing.  i'm hoping that justice will be done for him,  even after his death.