A Brand New Day

it is 7:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i just cancelled my dental appointment. i have no strength to get on a bus and travel today. i made myself sick yesterday with binging. it was the first time in months. i started to put back some weight and i think i binged out of frustration. everyone else in the family had a stomach virus and i think, i subconsciously, wanted to be sick, too.

i will take myself in hand today and watch what i eat. i have to go upstairs and clean the studio apartment. the upstairs sister promised to do it before she left, but she didn't, in the end. i finally, have 2 rentals for the next month. i am taking less then the market rate but i am managing to get people in. it's all about survival.

i still have the jack russel terrier with me and he has been making a lot of noise. my neighbors have all complained. i have tried shutting the windows but he can still be heard outside. i put him in the living room last week but he became even more hyper and ate my couch pillows. i have tried to give him more physical attention but once he gets into his barking mode, he doesn't stop. this can go on for long periods fo time. i am overwhemed.

i went to town this week to meet with the head of a small yeshiva. they are looking for a cook. i know how to cook. it should be a match made in heaven. i am waiting to meet the head honcho of the program. i can't think of a reason why they wouldn't hire me. i did ask to work off the books. that may just be the reason for them to pass on me. i simply, cannot afford to give up my government stipend to make a few extra bucks.

i thought that a part time job might be good for me. getting out of the house every day and earning some money, seemed to make sense. i figured that it would keep me active and end my being a shut in, once and for all. i didn't think about how unwell i tend to feel in the summer months. i have recently been dizzy and lethargic. i chalk it up to not drinking. i get by with a few coffees a day. i always forget to drink liquids. i find it quite hard to swallow water. i need to buy some natural apple juice.

a worker from the seniors' center called yesterday. she apparently, needs me very badly to come on thursdays. she even mentioned receiving help with transportation. i seem to be in demand these days. my son has been calling and sneeking in visits. he wants his mommy back. he even emailed me pix of my grandchildren. he is very sorry that this whole thing got so blown out of control. he is not a happy camper.

he is suffering a lot with back pain resulting from a recent car accident. he was rushed to the hospital yesterday with severe back and chest pains. they, of course, ruled out heart attack, and couldn't find the source of his pain. he has a doctor's appointment this morning. he needs to go to a healer or chiropractor. he really doesn't believe in this. he won't spend the money. i don't have the money to help him, either. i feel guilty. i think i ate an entire cake yesterday because i feel so guilty. it hurts me that he hurts. afterall, i am still his jewish mother.

last night, my daughter-in-law came over to help her sister move out. she didn't say hello and i ran back into the house. i couldn't stand to look at her. when she did enter my house, the terrier went super hyper active. he was running around in circles. she started to laugh. she wasn't the least bit upset. i suddenly, grabbed her and threw my arms around her and hugged her. she held on tight too. i kissed her on her cheeks and then kisssed her again. it was like the first time i met her.

the girls took a while to get everything out of the house. i allowed the sister to leave some boxes in my bedroom until she can come for them. the sister thanked me and hugged me goodbye. i came off like the good guy once again. i normally, would have been a bit spooked to be alone but i am having an older lady move in tomorrow for 3 weeks. i hope it will be okay. she did come by to meet me this week. she loved the apartment. i gave her a fair price and offered to host her for shabbat meals. i don't really foresee any problems.

with the income from the dogsitting and rentals, i just might be able to climb out of my overdraft. the cooking job would really keep me afloat. we can only hope.