Mortified And Humbled

it is 12:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. candlelighting is around 4:14 p.m. sahar got me up at 6:30 a.m. he needed an adult caregiver and a clean and dry diaper. he asked for choco milk. i had to run downstairs to retrieve a bottle. i put on the baby channel for him to watch. he wanted his play dough with him. he opened it on the pillow and held on to a piece. i was naturally, worried that it might get full of dog hair. something that would very much, displease his mom.

apparently, yesterday, cloey the dog rummaged through the downstairs' kitchen garbage pail and made quite a mess. i was apprised of this only this morning when cloey ran downstairs again. i don't complain about every mess their 2 year old son makes. why not afford me the same courtesy.

sahar and i went back downstairs around 8:00 a.m. his parents were just waking up. i 'apprised' his mom of the fact that he had already had a bottle, slice of bread and honey, and two boiled eggs sans the yellows. he gives them to the dogs.

i have already made a lemon cake and cooked the fish, rice, meatballs, and lentils for tonight's shabbat meal. the kids are going out for lunch. it is a relief for me. i really didn't feel like making 2 huge shabbat meals. i defrosted a few turkey cutlets that i will bread and fry up soon. i bought a can of chickpeas to make my own chumus. it really does not make a big difference in the price. i just feel like eating homemade chumus. i don't know about the kids' preference but probably, not.

i still need to cook up some hot tomato relish for tonight. i'll make a little egg salad, open a can of tuna, and cut up some tomatoes and cucumbers for an israeli salad, just in case the kids are all here for third meal. i still need to wash the floor and dust. the whole house is covered in a layer of soot. i suddenly feel really tired.

i' ve been on the 'south beach' all week long and haven't shed an ounce. what a drag! i think that i might be having an hysterical pregnancy as my stomach is actually, larger than my daughter-in-laws'. wouldn't that be something if we both gave birth at the same time! nothing short of miraculous, that is.

the kids wanted me to go with them to a family wedding on sunday. i decided that i would only go if i could get a ride home the same night. i really didn't want to leave the dogs alone overnight. as it turns out, there isn't any room for me on the return trip home, so i guess i am freed from this particular obligation. and i get to save a wad of dough, too.

i think i will try and get the heating fuel deivered on sunday. i gotta act fast as the 'allotted' amount for solar is going fast. i just had the most humiliating experience in the supermarket. i ran down to buy some challahs, even though i had a couple left over from last week, in the freezer. l know that the kids wouldn't enjoy their shabbat meal without fresh bread. i bought a dozen eggs, two bags of milk and some tomatoes. on my way to the counter i decided to buy some tuna and coffee.

i had only taken a 100 shekel note with me to buy veggies and bread. the bill was around 170 shekels. i quickly put back the coffee and was getting ready to put back the tuna when a young man paid the difference for me. it was about 25 shekels. i was mortified! i mean, i am not homeless. i simply didn't bring enough cash with me. the man told me to give the money to the shul for charity. i got outside and felt really small. i rummaged through my bag and came up with 20 shekekls in coins. i went back into the store but the man was gone already.

i give money to people all the time. it is shocking to say, but, more and more people, including young mothers and children, are panhandling in town, all the time now. there is one 'shnorer' who is situated regularly, in front of a certain supermarket. i have paid for strangers in the supermarket on more than one occassion. i was on the receiving end this time and it felt horrible. i don't know how people mooch money on a regular basis. i always try to preserve the dignity of the people who are requesting money. in my case, my pride before, was stopping me from allowing this man to do a good deed. i was preventing him from giving charity because i was embarrassed.

i think i will have a better understanding and appreciation of those less fortunate than me from now on. i will accept help from others without feeling inadequate or needy. i will allow others to also do mitzvahs. shabbat shalom! and may you be warm and comfortable.