it is 9:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed. I do not work on Fridays. yes!! it is the one day that I can do errands, clean up the mess in the house and get ready for Shabbat. I saw a leak upstairs on the roof of the apartment coming from the hot water tank. it wasn't a flood but I, nevertheless, called my repair guy last week. he replaced a narrow pipe and I think it did the trick. he also started repairing some fallen tiles in the kitchen. he then, never showed up again. I was too busy to call him back. I kept imagining the worst. last night I even imagined him dying.
I was planning on calling him this morning but he beat me to the punch. hopefully, he will come soon. the weather finally turned cold and stormy. we had two intense rain storms. we desperately need the water here. we are facing a serious water crisis. I was pretty tired yesterday and cabbed it to work. on the way home it was rather stormy and I was wet from doing the pots and pans. a taxi passed by and I jumped in and got home in ten minutes. normally it takes me almost an hour to get home. it involves waiting for 2 busses. usually, I sit out in the cold for half an hour. the actual ride is only about 20 minutes. I have been getting home around 8:00 p.m. lately.
I have to work an hour to pay for a cab ride. I get paid a bit less than $10 an hour. a cab ride is about $8 during the daytime. it goes up a bit after 8:00 p.m. that's the economic reality here in safed. it used to be $4 to buy a cup of coffee. now they have cofix, a store where everything is only 5 shekels. I often frequent the store to get an iced coffee in the summer. it's bad quality but the price is right. I just went outside to pick up the leaves in front of the house. I was too lazy to go upstairs and retrieve my dust pan. I scooped it all up with my hands. it was rather nasty outside. I was pleasantly surprised to feel that the house was comfortably warm inside. I did manage to close all of the windows.
yesterday, I made falafel balls and many of the fixings for lunch. the guys really loved it. me, not so much. it was a lot of work. I haven't fried up falafel balls in over 30 years. I hardly ever eat them even though they are a national dish. people eat them for breakfast here. my falafel balls were awful. they were over fired and crumbly and greasy. the frozen French fries took over an hour and a half to bake. some were still raw while many were burnt. I made tahini sauce and I made my own chumus from scratch. I cooked up the dried chickpeas first. I diced, what seemed like, endless amounts of tomatoes and cucumbers. I sliced a few onion rings. I fried up about 5 large eggplants. it took hours to prepare and I forgot to open up a can of pickles. I don't think the guys noticed.
I was supposed to make tuna patties for dinner but I couldn't even look at a bottle of oil again. I made a tuna loaf, buckwheat, aka 'kasha' and a zucchini soufflé, instead. it took an hour to do the washing up and clean the stovetop. there was oil everywhere. I ended up working for six hours yesterday. that's six hours standing on my feet with a sore back. I normally finish in 4-5 hours. there are now 18 young men there but they eat like a pack of 25. there isn't a bit of food left over lately. it is a lot more work to do. one of the guys decided that he doesn't want to eat gluten. I have been cooking lentils and chickpeas each day so that he can have some protein. he doesn't eat meat during the week. I also try not peeling the potatoes unless I make a mash. the manager prefers that I make only 3 items for each meal and rather than add another item; he wants me to increase the amount of each item.
a bag of rice was always enough for 10-12 young men but that's not nearly enough for this crowd. it's more like 6 pounds of potatoes to make a mash now. I am tired. my hands are all cut up and blistered. I am already dreading Chanukah. I am known for making latkes, and fried foods during the week up Chanukah. it is going to be very challenging, indeed!. I do not know how to assemble the food processor so I have been grating small amounts by hand. I will have to sort this out sooner or later. I used to make the guys a cake for Shabbat but I just don't have the time anymore. I was hoping to make peanut butter cookies for them but alas, came along one young man, who has a peanut allergy.
I am hoping to visit the grandkids next week in Jerusalem. the guys have an out Shabbat. that means I only need to leave lunch for them on Thursday. and I only need to make them supper on Sunday. I can jump on a bus at 2:00 p.m. and hopefully get to Jerusalem before the kids are sleeping. now i only need for their parents to agree to my visiting. we shall see.
Thursday, October 25, 2018
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
Happy Birthday Maddie!
it is 9:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed. I haven't blogged because I was in a terrible funk after the holidays. i'm back at work and have a new manager who is a great support. can you imagine, I ask for eggs and I actually get them before I show up for work? I was flying solo for months and was bringing in food from home to cook for the guys. I got reimbursed but it wasn't very nice.
the caterer for the yeshiva asked me on sunday, if I could bake a birthday cake for a lovely young lady. I bake cakes all the time at the yeshiva. it usually is an eggless chocolate cake and takes no time to whip up. I agreed to make a cake for this caterer. why not? he then told me that it should be low on gluten and sugar. it also should say: "Happy 30th birthday Maddie from mom".
the mother called me from the states to confer about said cake. she wanted avocado chocolate buttercream frosting and a chocolate cake. she told me that her daughter was pregnant and loved to mix ingredients up to make healthy treats. first, I do not write on cakes. I don't know how. I also have never made an avocado chocolate frosting but I've read about it. I took this cake on as a challenge to my culinary prowess. I often cook and bake for vegans.
I found a recipe for avocado frosting and non gluten chocolate cake online. the cake called for honey, almond flour, coconut flour, coconut oil and coconut milk. I had previously bought peanut flour and coconut flour when my sister came to visit. I wanted to make non gluten muffins for her. she is diabetic. well, I never touched the flours and I didn't make any muffins. I did make psyche drama, but that's another story. I had maple syrup in the pantry and thought about substituting it for the honey. after all, why should I use up a very expensive item like maple syrup?.
I went shopping last night after work. I bought avocados, date syrup, organic cocoa powder, almond milk, dried shredded coconut, pistachios, slivered almonds, eggs and natural cherry jam. I got up at 7:30 a.m. and made the cake. I didn't have an oblong or square pan so I used a round one. it will be a bit difficult to slice, I presume. the cake is not very sweet. it called for honey and I used date syrup. I covered it with the cherry jam, which has whole pieces of cherries. it's kind of like a black forest cake in my mind. I made the avocado chocolate icing. it's pretty weird. I am planning on covering the cake and then sprinkling it with the shredded coconut, ground almonds and pistachios.
I don't know if the caterer was able to purchase edible pens or not. I found a plastic happy birthday candle holder. I spent a small fortune on the ingredients. this was an experiment for me. I will not charge for my time and effort. I will however, charge for the ingredients. it came out to about $20. healthy is expensive. I hope the young lady likes her cake. I tried to think out of the box. it is pretty much organic and definitely non gluten. I learned a lot about using coconut and almond flour. apparently, you need very little to make a cake but need a lot of liquid. I will be happy to post the recipe if anyone is interested.
.
the caterer for the yeshiva asked me on sunday, if I could bake a birthday cake for a lovely young lady. I bake cakes all the time at the yeshiva. it usually is an eggless chocolate cake and takes no time to whip up. I agreed to make a cake for this caterer. why not? he then told me that it should be low on gluten and sugar. it also should say: "Happy 30th birthday Maddie from mom".
the mother called me from the states to confer about said cake. she wanted avocado chocolate buttercream frosting and a chocolate cake. she told me that her daughter was pregnant and loved to mix ingredients up to make healthy treats. first, I do not write on cakes. I don't know how. I also have never made an avocado chocolate frosting but I've read about it. I took this cake on as a challenge to my culinary prowess. I often cook and bake for vegans.
I found a recipe for avocado frosting and non gluten chocolate cake online. the cake called for honey, almond flour, coconut flour, coconut oil and coconut milk. I had previously bought peanut flour and coconut flour when my sister came to visit. I wanted to make non gluten muffins for her. she is diabetic. well, I never touched the flours and I didn't make any muffins. I did make psyche drama, but that's another story. I had maple syrup in the pantry and thought about substituting it for the honey. after all, why should I use up a very expensive item like maple syrup?.
I went shopping last night after work. I bought avocados, date syrup, organic cocoa powder, almond milk, dried shredded coconut, pistachios, slivered almonds, eggs and natural cherry jam. I got up at 7:30 a.m. and made the cake. I didn't have an oblong or square pan so I used a round one. it will be a bit difficult to slice, I presume. the cake is not very sweet. it called for honey and I used date syrup. I covered it with the cherry jam, which has whole pieces of cherries. it's kind of like a black forest cake in my mind. I made the avocado chocolate icing. it's pretty weird. I am planning on covering the cake and then sprinkling it with the shredded coconut, ground almonds and pistachios.
I don't know if the caterer was able to purchase edible pens or not. I found a plastic happy birthday candle holder. I spent a small fortune on the ingredients. this was an experiment for me. I will not charge for my time and effort. I will however, charge for the ingredients. it came out to about $20. healthy is expensive. I hope the young lady likes her cake. I tried to think out of the box. it is pretty much organic and definitely non gluten. I learned a lot about using coconut and almond flour. apparently, you need very little to make a cake but need a lot of liquid. I will be happy to post the recipe if anyone is interested.
.
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
Back To Work
it is 11:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed. I am officially back at the yeshiva. I made dinner for them yesterday. the kitchen is almost empty but there is still lots of chop meat in the freezer. the new manager made sure to clean the kitchen before I returned. the students had the run of the kitchen in my absence. I spent a few days in Jerusalem with the kids during the break. I returned to safed about a week ago and haven't left my house until yesterday.
I have been suffering from a pain between my shoulder blades all week. I took a bad fall just before rosh hashana. I do not know if this pain is a result of the fall or just a result of al the tension I have felt as of late. it is hard for me to lift things and turn my head. the pain is constant. I haven't spoken to anyone in my family in a while. this includes my son. I am in a depression and have been overeating as a result of this. I couldn't wait to get back to work.
unfortunately, I am not thrilled to be back, as it turns out. I am a bit mad at the world. my sister turns 70 but I am the one who feels old and irrelevant. the pain in my neck doesn't help things, either. I am fantasizing about moving. yes, I think about downsizing and even leaving safed. I am in the process of getting rid of books. even though I own many book shelves and have many rooms to display these shelves, I am thinking of the future when I may live in a small apartment. so. I am throwing out books that I do not need or read anymore. I have a huge bag of old judaica which is ready to bring to a site where they either bury them or burn them.
I also have a huge bag of outdated English lesson books which I can't stand to look at anymore, either. I may be able to get rid of these antique book shelves someday. they are not in the best shape and I don't know if anyone will actually want them. I don't think I would drag them across the country if I chose to move. ikea have affordable simple, and stream lined, modern furniture. these bookshelves are dark and heavy and very dated. I find them to be a bit depressing. I guess I find everything to be depressing.
I finally took down my sukkah on Friday. my gardener actually dissembled it. I took down the fake fruit and wall material. I don't seem to have any core strength these days. I am lacking power in my arms. I keep thinking about painting the bars every year but never get around to it. I also want to buy new material. in Jerusalem, my son bought a sukkah for only 280 shekels; which came with the material as well as the top covering . I have never seen material for that little in safed. I wasn't sure if I was going to put up the sukkah this year. I ended up using it for just one Shabbat when I came home from Jerusalem.
everyone tells me that I am no longer young. I know that I look ancient. I haven't dyed my hair in years. my face is beginning to line. I feel like I'm totally obsolete. yesterday, the manager of the yeshiva asked me if I can bend to reach the flour on a low shelf. I actually, have a problem bending right now. I felt like I was beginning to have a sciatic situation yesterday. I can't really reach the back to apply arnica to the shoulder blades by myself. I am not a happy camper.
I ran into my sister on the morning of yom kippur. we had run into each other in may at our father's gravesite. we didn't speak a word to each other. this time, she actually wished me a happy holiday. she looked pained to see me. I have tried very hard to avoid running into her for over a year. I stopped going to her neighborhood and didn't even go to the large supermarket. I do not know what to do about this situation. I actually wanted to hug her when I saw her. I am the older sister. she is my baby sister and I have always looked out for her. I am alienated from nearly everyone. I am in seclusion.
I have been suffering from a pain between my shoulder blades all week. I took a bad fall just before rosh hashana. I do not know if this pain is a result of the fall or just a result of al the tension I have felt as of late. it is hard for me to lift things and turn my head. the pain is constant. I haven't spoken to anyone in my family in a while. this includes my son. I am in a depression and have been overeating as a result of this. I couldn't wait to get back to work.
unfortunately, I am not thrilled to be back, as it turns out. I am a bit mad at the world. my sister turns 70 but I am the one who feels old and irrelevant. the pain in my neck doesn't help things, either. I am fantasizing about moving. yes, I think about downsizing and even leaving safed. I am in the process of getting rid of books. even though I own many book shelves and have many rooms to display these shelves, I am thinking of the future when I may live in a small apartment. so. I am throwing out books that I do not need or read anymore. I have a huge bag of old judaica which is ready to bring to a site where they either bury them or burn them.
I also have a huge bag of outdated English lesson books which I can't stand to look at anymore, either. I may be able to get rid of these antique book shelves someday. they are not in the best shape and I don't know if anyone will actually want them. I don't think I would drag them across the country if I chose to move. ikea have affordable simple, and stream lined, modern furniture. these bookshelves are dark and heavy and very dated. I find them to be a bit depressing. I guess I find everything to be depressing.
I finally took down my sukkah on Friday. my gardener actually dissembled it. I took down the fake fruit and wall material. I don't seem to have any core strength these days. I am lacking power in my arms. I keep thinking about painting the bars every year but never get around to it. I also want to buy new material. in Jerusalem, my son bought a sukkah for only 280 shekels; which came with the material as well as the top covering . I have never seen material for that little in safed. I wasn't sure if I was going to put up the sukkah this year. I ended up using it for just one Shabbat when I came home from Jerusalem.
everyone tells me that I am no longer young. I know that I look ancient. I haven't dyed my hair in years. my face is beginning to line. I feel like I'm totally obsolete. yesterday, the manager of the yeshiva asked me if I can bend to reach the flour on a low shelf. I actually, have a problem bending right now. I felt like I was beginning to have a sciatic situation yesterday. I can't really reach the back to apply arnica to the shoulder blades by myself. I am not a happy camper.
I ran into my sister on the morning of yom kippur. we had run into each other in may at our father's gravesite. we didn't speak a word to each other. this time, she actually wished me a happy holiday. she looked pained to see me. I have tried very hard to avoid running into her for over a year. I stopped going to her neighborhood and didn't even go to the large supermarket. I do not know what to do about this situation. I actually wanted to hug her when I saw her. I am the older sister. she is my baby sister and I have always looked out for her. I am alienated from nearly everyone. I am in seclusion.
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Tonight We Dine Outside
it is nearly 4:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed. the house is clean and very quiet. I already made up the downstairs bedroom for the kids. they are coming next sunday night for the holiday of simchat torah. tonight they will be going to the Sephardi family for the holiday. I am also going there for supper. they have a massive sukkah. it will be crazy with 5 young kids running around and countless others inside and possibly a dog. I will walk home later tonight. my friend is staying the week and watching my dog. I am going back with the kids to Jerusalem after the holiday ends Monday night. i'm thinking that I may stay the entire week. this is my last vacation from the yeshiva and my last chance to be with the grandkids. they go back to school and I return to work right after the holiday..
I already cooked up some chicken and meatballs and froze them in case I return to safed on sunday of next week. I bought prepared salads and kugel. hopefully, everything will be okay. my neighbor came over to put on the bamboo covering of the sukkah for me. I ended up stringing up my plastic grapes and a few plastic pomegranates. it is quite hot here, once again. I didn't bother hooking up a fan to the sukkah. if it is too hot to stay in the sukkah, i'll eat and leave right away. i'm thinking of bringing a woolen shawl for tonight. it gets chilly at night.
I baked two small honey cakes this morning. I used organic whole wheat flour and organic cane sugar. they really aren't so yummy. I used my standard recipe but I don't know where I went wrong. I bought cheap honey flavored cupcakes for the grandkids. I also bought chocolate rugalach. I really wanted to make a tiramisu or cheese cake for the day time but I didn't have the patience to go to the supermarket this morning. I bought tons of chocolates and ate all of them during the week. I have one small package of mini chocolates and halvah hidden in the closet.
I bought a small kids' sukkah and i'm thinking that they are probably too big for it. I will give it to them to take back to Jerusalem if they want it. they already have a huge plastic tent in the backyard. maybe i'll save it for next year and give it to a family with little kids. it's collapsible and fits into a small bag. it's pretty cute. it is so strange not having the grandkids here anymore. that's life now. I have to get used to it. I went shopping at the large supermarket twice and I don't have a single thing to bring to my in-law's tonight. I spent a fortune, too. I didn't buy any presents for the kids, either. I figure i'll get them stuff in Jerusalem.
I did buy the sukkah for 20 bucks and a new scooter for my grandson for 30 dollars. that won't impress them at all. luckily, my check came in early this month so I have a bunch of loot to travel with. I hope to meet up with my friend there and go out for dinner with her. there is a restaurant where my son works and I've been interested in checking it out. we shall see what happens. I really should get ready soon. the kids may pick me up to bring me to the Sephardi clan. I will dress in flats because there will be plenty of going up and down steps tonight. isn't sukkot grand!!
I already cooked up some chicken and meatballs and froze them in case I return to safed on sunday of next week. I bought prepared salads and kugel. hopefully, everything will be okay. my neighbor came over to put on the bamboo covering of the sukkah for me. I ended up stringing up my plastic grapes and a few plastic pomegranates. it is quite hot here, once again. I didn't bother hooking up a fan to the sukkah. if it is too hot to stay in the sukkah, i'll eat and leave right away. i'm thinking of bringing a woolen shawl for tonight. it gets chilly at night.
I baked two small honey cakes this morning. I used organic whole wheat flour and organic cane sugar. they really aren't so yummy. I used my standard recipe but I don't know where I went wrong. I bought cheap honey flavored cupcakes for the grandkids. I also bought chocolate rugalach. I really wanted to make a tiramisu or cheese cake for the day time but I didn't have the patience to go to the supermarket this morning. I bought tons of chocolates and ate all of them during the week. I have one small package of mini chocolates and halvah hidden in the closet.
I bought a small kids' sukkah and i'm thinking that they are probably too big for it. I will give it to them to take back to Jerusalem if they want it. they already have a huge plastic tent in the backyard. maybe i'll save it for next year and give it to a family with little kids. it's collapsible and fits into a small bag. it's pretty cute. it is so strange not having the grandkids here anymore. that's life now. I have to get used to it. I went shopping at the large supermarket twice and I don't have a single thing to bring to my in-law's tonight. I spent a fortune, too. I didn't buy any presents for the kids, either. I figure i'll get them stuff in Jerusalem.
I did buy the sukkah for 20 bucks and a new scooter for my grandson for 30 dollars. that won't impress them at all. luckily, my check came in early this month so I have a bunch of loot to travel with. I hope to meet up with my friend there and go out for dinner with her. there is a restaurant where my son works and I've been interested in checking it out. we shall see what happens. I really should get ready soon. the kids may pick me up to bring me to the Sephardi clan. I will dress in flats because there will be plenty of going up and down steps tonight. isn't sukkot grand!!
Friday, September 21, 2018
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Sukkot
it is10:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed. my neighbor just finished putting up the frame of my sukkah. I was not planning on putting up the sukkah this year. the kids are spending the first part of the holiday with the Sephardi clan. I am sure I can wrangle a place there, too. it will be sheer madness. the ladies will be going up and down a very steep stairwell to bring the food into the sukkah. I declined to go there the last couple of years because I dreaded the stairwell. I haven't made up my mind yet. who knows? perhaps, I won't be included this year.
yesterday, I made up about 250 tiny cellophane baggies for the Sephardi family's bas mitzvah next week. I no longer make chocolates. I buy chewy candies and stuff one into the cellophane baggie and close it with a sticker for the appropriate occasion. this crowd loves their candy. I am planning on going to Jerusalem next week for a few days and the daughter-in-law is planning on going to the cousin's bat mitzvah in hadera. I am covering all of the bases. I am trying to be flexible.
I went to the supermarket twice and stocked up on chicken wings, lamb kabobs, hamburgers, steaks and franks for the second half of the holiday. my son likes to barbecue in the daytime. I cooked some chicken and meatballs and froze them for the night meal next week. I also bought prepared salads and kugel so if I decide to stay longer in Jerusalem, we will have food already prepared. I am not much in the mood for baking so I bought prepared cakes. I still need to make something to eat for Shabbat. I'm not so inspired.
I managed to fall off of a plastic chair a couple of days before Rosh Hashanah. I was hanging curtains in a bedroom downstairs and went flying off of the chair. I broke the fall with my elbow and wrist and then the back got the shock of hitting the stone floor. I was extremely lucky to have not fallen on my head or directly onto my back. it was miraculous that I didn't break my arm. I was in a lot of pain for the holiday and shabbat. I got sick and spent the second day of Rosh Hashanah in bed. not my finest hour. I did manage to hear the shofar blowing in synagogue.
I got through yom kippur pretty easily. I am still feeling sore parts of my body from the fall. it was hard to cough at the beginning as the ribs were bruised. I was not looking forward to lifting the metal polls of the sukkah. I managed to bring them up from the storage area downstairs, but didn't get very far into the construction. I didn't remember exactly how to do it. my 9 year old grandson put it together for me last year in about 6 minutes. I dreaded climbing the ladder to place the wooden boards on top. now, I don't need to. living in a Sephardi neighborhood and looking old has its benefits.
the men here are strong and macho. building a sukkah is a guys' thing, anyway. women are not even commanded to eat in them. I don't know why I even bothered this year. I am planning on being away. I have to tie the material around the sukkah now. it is a big drag. I don't really feel like hanging all of my plastic fruits up,either. my back hurts and my knee is on the fritz. last year we had a family cook out. we had over 20 people downstairs. a few of the men had to squeeze into the small sukkah. I used to put up one that was 4x2 meters. now I only put up a 2x2 meter sukkah. four can sit comfortably. I am not planning on having any guests.
I saw my sister before yom kippur. she wished me a holiday greeting and ran off. that was our first exchange in over a year since our blow out. it was bittersweet. it is what it is. I am hoping this year to be stronger and wiser. I do not want to judge anyone nor do I want to get hurt so easily by others. of course, this is easier said than done. it requires building stronger personal borders and not having any expectations of people. it also requires seeing others' differences as interesting and not hurtful. enough of the pyscho babble for now. I am off to the supermarket to return the empty bottles.
yesterday, I made up about 250 tiny cellophane baggies for the Sephardi family's bas mitzvah next week. I no longer make chocolates. I buy chewy candies and stuff one into the cellophane baggie and close it with a sticker for the appropriate occasion. this crowd loves their candy. I am planning on going to Jerusalem next week for a few days and the daughter-in-law is planning on going to the cousin's bat mitzvah in hadera. I am covering all of the bases. I am trying to be flexible.
I went to the supermarket twice and stocked up on chicken wings, lamb kabobs, hamburgers, steaks and franks for the second half of the holiday. my son likes to barbecue in the daytime. I cooked some chicken and meatballs and froze them for the night meal next week. I also bought prepared salads and kugel so if I decide to stay longer in Jerusalem, we will have food already prepared. I am not much in the mood for baking so I bought prepared cakes. I still need to make something to eat for Shabbat. I'm not so inspired.
I managed to fall off of a plastic chair a couple of days before Rosh Hashanah. I was hanging curtains in a bedroom downstairs and went flying off of the chair. I broke the fall with my elbow and wrist and then the back got the shock of hitting the stone floor. I was extremely lucky to have not fallen on my head or directly onto my back. it was miraculous that I didn't break my arm. I was in a lot of pain for the holiday and shabbat. I got sick and spent the second day of Rosh Hashanah in bed. not my finest hour. I did manage to hear the shofar blowing in synagogue.
I got through yom kippur pretty easily. I am still feeling sore parts of my body from the fall. it was hard to cough at the beginning as the ribs were bruised. I was not looking forward to lifting the metal polls of the sukkah. I managed to bring them up from the storage area downstairs, but didn't get very far into the construction. I didn't remember exactly how to do it. my 9 year old grandson put it together for me last year in about 6 minutes. I dreaded climbing the ladder to place the wooden boards on top. now, I don't need to. living in a Sephardi neighborhood and looking old has its benefits.
the men here are strong and macho. building a sukkah is a guys' thing, anyway. women are not even commanded to eat in them. I don't know why I even bothered this year. I am planning on being away. I have to tie the material around the sukkah now. it is a big drag. I don't really feel like hanging all of my plastic fruits up,either. my back hurts and my knee is on the fritz. last year we had a family cook out. we had over 20 people downstairs. a few of the men had to squeeze into the small sukkah. I used to put up one that was 4x2 meters. now I only put up a 2x2 meter sukkah. four can sit comfortably. I am not planning on having any guests.
I saw my sister before yom kippur. she wished me a holiday greeting and ran off. that was our first exchange in over a year since our blow out. it was bittersweet. it is what it is. I am hoping this year to be stronger and wiser. I do not want to judge anyone nor do I want to get hurt so easily by others. of course, this is easier said than done. it requires building stronger personal borders and not having any expectations of people. it also requires seeing others' differences as interesting and not hurtful. enough of the pyscho babble for now. I am off to the supermarket to return the empty bottles.
Wednesday, September 5, 2018
Shana Tova 2018
it's been ages since I blogged. I went back to the yeshiva about three weeks ago. I have been pretty much on my own there and buying, whatever food items I need. the pantry is pretty much depleted. while my sister was visiting, I tried making up fast meals and didn't stay too long at the yeshiva. needless to say, my pay check was pretty skimpy this month. I will be going on another break right after Yom Kippur. I do not think I am needed during the week of sukkot.
the kids very much want me to go to Jerusalem for Rosh Hashanah. I don't have the strength to make such a long trip for just a few days. I prefer to go while I am on vacation and stay for the week. I don't think that it will work out for me this time. I am playing it loose. if I am meant to be in Jerusalem, so be it.
I haven't been sleeping so well. now that I don't have the added burden of picking up the grandkids, I go into work much later. I also, get home much later. I have been coming home after seven, lately. we have been suffering, yet, another, heat wave. it really takes its toll. I spent hours the other day defrosting both freezers. I was throwing around ice and snow and I was soaking wet. it felt so good.
the guys went to a wedding last night and didn't put the food, that I prepared for supper, into the fridge. I tasted the stew and the couscous and it was still good. this is nothing short of a miracle. even the tomato salad was in tact. I served it to them for lunch and they all raved about it. they said it was better than the wedding food. I was very happy not to have had to prepare lunch today.
I ended up making a tuna loaf, baked beets and a sweet noodle kugel for their supper. I went to town to do some errands after work. I didn't get much accomplished. I did manage to get to the fresh fish store and bought a few slices of carp and a huge fish head. it isn't Rosh Hashanah without a cooked fish head at the head of the table. one year I made a fourth of a sheep's head. that was my ode to the Sephardic tradition. my son had been bugging me for years to make one. he kind of paled at the sight of it. my grandson thought it was great and the two of us devoured it. it was truly yummy.
I am not planning on having guests this holiday. I will be going to friends for the first night. I am bringing the fish, and the different symbolic foods. I may also bring some brisket. my other friend has a huge brisket in her freezer and I have agreed to braise it in my toaster oven. we are thinking beer and a pomegranate sauce.
I already bought: carrots, pomegranates, leeks, black eyed peas, pumpkin, dates, beets and beet leaves. are we having fun? my friend might bake small challahs. I need to bake a honey cake for my daughter-in-law's father. he loves my whole wheat version. I already bought the pre- sifted organic whole wheat flour, honey and organic brown cane sugar. I am playing with the idea of using coconut oil. why not?? last year's hamentashen were great.
I don't have to work on Friday so I think I will do most of the cooking and baking. i'll leave the veggies for sunday. I think i'll make honey bars for my friend and myself. I've been hitting the sugar as of late. I'm not going to be very svelte this Rosh Hashanah. oh well......
it was a difficult visit this summer. my older sister ran back and forth between me and my other sister, who is still not speaking with me. she did invite me to meet for coffee via older sister. I declined her offer. I got to hear her complaints against me, via big sister and it made me go into a tailspin. my niece gave birth to a son and I wasn't included in the simcha. my other niece came in from India with her kids and brand new daughter and didn't come to see me this time, either. it hurt.
there was just so much psyche drama babble and hurt feelings to deal with. my sister staged my house and decluttered my walls. she works in the real estate market in L.A. she did a marvelous job. she made the house mine. my deceased parents are now featured in the background. my shrine to my mom and her candlesticks has been dismantled. I just wish we could have had some fun together.
I had friends staying with me for the klezmer music festival. we were in a party mood. one night we barbecued. I only got to the music festival one night. it was way too busy in my house. my sister didn't get any quality time. I was also, too crazy to listen to her speak. after every mention of my feuding sister, I went slightly insane.
the kids very much want me to go to Jerusalem for Rosh Hashanah. I don't have the strength to make such a long trip for just a few days. I prefer to go while I am on vacation and stay for the week. I don't think that it will work out for me this time. I am playing it loose. if I am meant to be in Jerusalem, so be it.
I haven't been sleeping so well. now that I don't have the added burden of picking up the grandkids, I go into work much later. I also, get home much later. I have been coming home after seven, lately. we have been suffering, yet, another, heat wave. it really takes its toll. I spent hours the other day defrosting both freezers. I was throwing around ice and snow and I was soaking wet. it felt so good.
the guys went to a wedding last night and didn't put the food, that I prepared for supper, into the fridge. I tasted the stew and the couscous and it was still good. this is nothing short of a miracle. even the tomato salad was in tact. I served it to them for lunch and they all raved about it. they said it was better than the wedding food. I was very happy not to have had to prepare lunch today.
I ended up making a tuna loaf, baked beets and a sweet noodle kugel for their supper. I went to town to do some errands after work. I didn't get much accomplished. I did manage to get to the fresh fish store and bought a few slices of carp and a huge fish head. it isn't Rosh Hashanah without a cooked fish head at the head of the table. one year I made a fourth of a sheep's head. that was my ode to the Sephardic tradition. my son had been bugging me for years to make one. he kind of paled at the sight of it. my grandson thought it was great and the two of us devoured it. it was truly yummy.
I am not planning on having guests this holiday. I will be going to friends for the first night. I am bringing the fish, and the different symbolic foods. I may also bring some brisket. my other friend has a huge brisket in her freezer and I have agreed to braise it in my toaster oven. we are thinking beer and a pomegranate sauce.
I already bought: carrots, pomegranates, leeks, black eyed peas, pumpkin, dates, beets and beet leaves. are we having fun? my friend might bake small challahs. I need to bake a honey cake for my daughter-in-law's father. he loves my whole wheat version. I already bought the pre- sifted organic whole wheat flour, honey and organic brown cane sugar. I am playing with the idea of using coconut oil. why not?? last year's hamentashen were great.
I don't have to work on Friday so I think I will do most of the cooking and baking. i'll leave the veggies for sunday. I think i'll make honey bars for my friend and myself. I've been hitting the sugar as of late. I'm not going to be very svelte this Rosh Hashanah. oh well......
it was a difficult visit this summer. my older sister ran back and forth between me and my other sister, who is still not speaking with me. she did invite me to meet for coffee via older sister. I declined her offer. I got to hear her complaints against me, via big sister and it made me go into a tailspin. my niece gave birth to a son and I wasn't included in the simcha. my other niece came in from India with her kids and brand new daughter and didn't come to see me this time, either. it hurt.
there was just so much psyche drama babble and hurt feelings to deal with. my sister staged my house and decluttered my walls. she works in the real estate market in L.A. she did a marvelous job. she made the house mine. my deceased parents are now featured in the background. my shrine to my mom and her candlesticks has been dismantled. I just wish we could have had some fun together.
I had friends staying with me for the klezmer music festival. we were in a party mood. one night we barbecued. I only got to the music festival one night. it was way too busy in my house. my sister didn't get any quality time. I was also, too crazy to listen to her speak. after every mention of my feuding sister, I went slightly insane.
Saturday, August 11, 2018
I'm Still Here
it is midnight in the holy city of safed. I just finished doing a touch up paint job on the wall in the roof top apartment. a friend is coming tomorrow and will be staying upstairs. I washed the parquet floor, too. yesterday, I washed the bathroom and kitchenette and swept the bird poo and dirt from the balcony. it looks pretty clean. I will carry up the bed and mattress in the morning. I do not have the strength right now. I thought my friend would prefer the air-conditioned apartment but the breezes downstairs are simply wonderful. I was cold last night with the fans.
my sister is coming for an extended visit on Monday. I know she has trouble with dust and I'm not sure if the upstairs will be suitable for her. as much as I cleaned my house; it is still dusty everywhere. I just washed the kitchen floor with soap and lots of bleach. I did the living room floor, too. I still have pieces of toys and kids' chactchkas in the room. I sorted out the puzzles and legos a while ago.
my son and family moved to Jerusalem about three weeks ago. I watched the kids for a few days while they got the apartment in order. I also cooked every day at the yeshiva. the kids were in a day camp. after they left I took apart the house, collecting toys and kids' stuff from every room. I managed to organize it all except for a few pieces of stuff in the living room. I went on hiatus from the yeshiva and went to Jerusalem to see the kids. I was supposed to be there for Shabbat but I ended up staying for a week. no one wanted me to leave. not even my son.
I came back last week on an express bus. it took us 5 hours to get back to safed. I was exhausted. I went to a friend for Shabbat lunch and then I went into a huge funk. I didn't leave my house for an entire week. I didn't get dressed nor did I bathe. it was like an emotional shiva. I spent all day and night watching videos about covert narcissists. I was transfixed. I went through my entire psychic life span. I remembered so many more details of having been manipulated and used by certain family members.
I hardly ate but that was fine because I overate in Jerusalem. we did have an extreme heat wave but I wasn't phased. I was inside and my house was cool. I spoke for hours to friends complaining about my sister with whom I'm estranged. I was in emotional hell. my friend was supposed to come on Wednesday and stay for Shabbat. she changed her plans which gave me another couple of days to mope around. on Thursday, I had a 2 hour phone call with my brother, the psychologist. he actually helped me get out of my funk.
on Thursday evening, I went downstairs and plastered the lower part of the walls of the master bedroom downstairs. they were a mess. on Friday morning, I got out of bed and showered. I got dressed, too. I went downstairs to do laundry and painted the freshly plastered walls. it looks pretty good. I then went to the supermarket to buy fish, cans of tuna, chicken cutlets, eggs, and a bit of fruit. I still need to buy veggies but we can all go down to the supermarket together. I bought tons of organic food for my friend who's macrobiotic and tons of protein for my sister who's diabetic.
tomorrow I am going to meet up with my friend in Netanya and we will visit a mutual dear friend together. we had our last reunion about 4 years ago. it should be great fun. this is the first summer that I am not watching the kids. it is a big change in my life. I hope my visit with my sister will go smoothly. I am afraid that she is on a mission to bring peace to the middle east between her two sisters. in the meanwhile, my niece has been here all summer from india, and hasn't called, and her sister just gave birth and I wasn't notified. the bris in on Monday in safed and of course, I haven't been invited. so I stand up and move and get on with my plans to see my friends. they are my family.
my sister is coming for an extended visit on Monday. I know she has trouble with dust and I'm not sure if the upstairs will be suitable for her. as much as I cleaned my house; it is still dusty everywhere. I just washed the kitchen floor with soap and lots of bleach. I did the living room floor, too. I still have pieces of toys and kids' chactchkas in the room. I sorted out the puzzles and legos a while ago.
my son and family moved to Jerusalem about three weeks ago. I watched the kids for a few days while they got the apartment in order. I also cooked every day at the yeshiva. the kids were in a day camp. after they left I took apart the house, collecting toys and kids' stuff from every room. I managed to organize it all except for a few pieces of stuff in the living room. I went on hiatus from the yeshiva and went to Jerusalem to see the kids. I was supposed to be there for Shabbat but I ended up staying for a week. no one wanted me to leave. not even my son.
I came back last week on an express bus. it took us 5 hours to get back to safed. I was exhausted. I went to a friend for Shabbat lunch and then I went into a huge funk. I didn't leave my house for an entire week. I didn't get dressed nor did I bathe. it was like an emotional shiva. I spent all day and night watching videos about covert narcissists. I was transfixed. I went through my entire psychic life span. I remembered so many more details of having been manipulated and used by certain family members.
I hardly ate but that was fine because I overate in Jerusalem. we did have an extreme heat wave but I wasn't phased. I was inside and my house was cool. I spoke for hours to friends complaining about my sister with whom I'm estranged. I was in emotional hell. my friend was supposed to come on Wednesday and stay for Shabbat. she changed her plans which gave me another couple of days to mope around. on Thursday, I had a 2 hour phone call with my brother, the psychologist. he actually helped me get out of my funk.
on Thursday evening, I went downstairs and plastered the lower part of the walls of the master bedroom downstairs. they were a mess. on Friday morning, I got out of bed and showered. I got dressed, too. I went downstairs to do laundry and painted the freshly plastered walls. it looks pretty good. I then went to the supermarket to buy fish, cans of tuna, chicken cutlets, eggs, and a bit of fruit. I still need to buy veggies but we can all go down to the supermarket together. I bought tons of organic food for my friend who's macrobiotic and tons of protein for my sister who's diabetic.
tomorrow I am going to meet up with my friend in Netanya and we will visit a mutual dear friend together. we had our last reunion about 4 years ago. it should be great fun. this is the first summer that I am not watching the kids. it is a big change in my life. I hope my visit with my sister will go smoothly. I am afraid that she is on a mission to bring peace to the middle east between her two sisters. in the meanwhile, my niece has been here all summer from india, and hasn't called, and her sister just gave birth and I wasn't notified. the bris in on Monday in safed and of course, I haven't been invited. so I stand up and move and get on with my plans to see my friends. they are my family.
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