Back In Action

i'm back on my blog in my new and remodelled blog room. my son recently bought his own computer. so today, he helped himself to one of the two computer tables that were placed back to back in our computer room for the past couple of years. one cannot imagine the amount of wires that were all connected to the computer, lying in a giant, tangled up ball on the floor. one modem box, one keyboard and mouse, one printer, eight assorted speakers, one karaoke machine, one hand microphone and one set of headphones, all cluttering up the two computer tables. cleaning the floor around the computer was always tricky. at first, i got a bit nervous, when zvi took the new computer table. where would i put the modem box, the packages of computer paper and all of the phone books and note pads that were resting on the shelves of the larger computer table? suddenly, i had a great idea! i brought in my mom's old telephone table from brooklyn, that was in the guest bedroom because it didn't fit anywhere else. it was the perfect solution for my computer room. there is enough room on this phone table for the telephone, the note pads and pens, a box of business cards, all of the telephone books, and even, the set of the funk and wagnall dictionaries. zvi pushed the remaining computer table away from the window area, so it is less drafty now. i've been sitting here for an hour and my hands and feet aren't frozen yet. while zvi was untangling all of the wires, i hung up a heater on the opposite wall, over the bed. so now we can have heat and one less object resting on the computer table. zvi erased all of his programs, games, music and photos so now the computer is virtually, empty and all mine. zvi reattached the comfortable and well padded keyboard that we had replaced two years ago, for the cheap and chometz free one. typing is once again,a pleasure. unfortunately, i can't seem to find the spelling check and the blogger format is somewhat,different. not to worry, michal the maven, should be coming back soon. maybe i'll ask zvi to help me out tomorrow. i'm sitting at my new and improved blog area and i keep staring at the clean and dust free, uncluttered computer table that now rests a modem box, a flat screen and only two speakers. there is a lot of stuff on the bed right now that has to put away in our wall closet tomorrow. i will have to reorganize all of the shelves to accommodate all of the extra speakers and computer parts that i won't be using. oh, if only mom was alive to see the change! i want to hang up curtains, now that the computer is no longer near the window. besides being warmer, it is also, more private now. the computer had been situated directly across from my neighbor's window and zvi used to keep the shutters closed, which made the room completely dark. i'm thinking about repainting the room again. perhaps, curtains will make enough of a change. i started the south beach diet today because i needed to do something drastic. one would think that the bread diet is drastic enough, but i simply, lost control again and started binging. i hope that this will help me get a handle on it. i am planning to stick to this for two weeks. if i remember correctly, in phase one, you can not eat rice, pasta, potatoes, bread, fruits, or dairy. i think beets and carrots are also not allowed. the diet is based on the glycemic level in foods. you can have a teaspoon of peanut butter, or 12-15 unroasted nuts each day. humus is also allowed. i lost 16 pounds in a month the last time i did the 'south beach'. but i was more active back then. i have been existing mostly on carbs lately, and eating far too much dairy. i simply, am not feeling all that well right now. and now that it is cold again, i will start to cook and eat more protein and vegetables. one of my problems seems to be in portion control. i tend to eat too much and i don't pay attention to the weight. i will start to load up on string beans. too bad that spinach, cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower are problematic for low thyroid. i have to stay away from them. i can eat beans and lentils, i think. it is nearly 2:00 a.m.in the holy city of zefat and i am back in action. wish me luck, zelda.

Groggy

i woke up this morning feeling, rather, groggy. i didn't sleep well, either. i ran to catch a phone call at 1:30 a.m. i thought it might be sister ann, from california, calling with all the details from the michael's thanksgiving get together. by the way, i loved the fancy dress that the little princess was modeling, and i fully applaud the little boy's aversion to flu shots. it wasn't ann on the phone. it was some young guy looking for someone. he was going through his phone numbers and somehow he had mine. for a moment, i had a flashback of the time when i would receive many of these late nite calls from young guys who were looking to hook up with my son, the pot head and local dealer. and how many nights did i lay awake until my son and his friends made it back from the pub in one piece. and then there were times that he would call me in the middle of the night to let me know that he was still at a certain place and tell me not to worry. this 'phone guy' mentioned my sister's name and said something about looking for a shidduch and his beshert. for just a moment i tried to rationalize with this guy. i told him that even if he was looking for his soul mate, it could wait until the morning. i even added a bit of musar and told him that it was inappropriate to call someone at 1:30 a.m. but he needed to talk to someone and seemed surprised that i was unwillling to continue the conversation with him. he asked me when he could call again. i told him that he should never call here again and i tried to go back to sleep. i was just about asleep, when the phone rang again at 2:15 a.m. i thought to myself, what a loser this guy is! and then i heard the phone ring again. it was now 3:00 a.m. he called one more time at 3:20 a.m. it really made me shutter. i now felt violated. i thought about calling him up at the crack of dawn to wake him up, but of course, i didn't. i'm the adult! i did go and check my phone messages. this idiot, actuallly, left one. i thought about calling the police but, of course, i wouldn't. i am so glad that i did the dishes before i went to sleep last night, because i am in no shape to do much of anything this morning. i have to make a shabbos meal and run down to the local supermarket and buy some bottled water. i am feeling a bit nauseous. i guess the barbecue flavored bisseli, that i scoffed down in the middle of the night, isn't sitting well. i had a 'soup and salad nite' here last night for my sister and two nieces and baby, menachem mendush. i made a very thick soup from acorn squash, onions and carrots. the store was all out of pumpkin so i improvised. i couldn't find my hand masher anywhere, so i let it cook until most of it was a mush. i tried to use a large whisk to mash it more, but the vegetables got caught up in the whisk. i made some corn muffins and added some canned corn and grated cheese. sadly, you can't get any tangy, sharp, chedar cheese here, so the small amount of added plain cheese couldn't really be tasted. perhaps, sour cream might have worked better, or maybe, i should have just used more cheese. i made a large salad of romaine lettuce and baby leafs and added onion, and shaved carrots. i threw in some white raisins, almonds and corn, for good measure. i made a garlic and sour cream dressing, which pleased everyone. i made an apple crisp for dessert and served up the remainder of the chocolate chip cookies, that had survived my latest food binge. it turned out that last night was an auspicious day for chabad which coincided, really nicely, with a day or night of thanksgiving. i felt a bit self conscious, using the turkey napkins without serving any turkey. but i did place, the one napkin that read, "giving thanks, every day", in the center of the table. it fit in nicely, with the chassidic theme of the evening. i had mashed up some banana and sweet potato for menachem mendush, but he preferred to eat the spicy soup and corn muffins. go know what an 8 month old likes to eat today! it was an early evening and everyone left feeling nourished and a bit stuffed. i was already in bed, feeling all warm and cozy, when zvi and family came home at midnite. zvi started barking orders at me, but i can't for the life of me, remember now, what he wanted last night. i really have to get up now and start the shabbos preparations. i am a bit 'underwhelmed' as dr. phil would say. i'll throw together a bunch of potatoes for tomorrow's lunch because that is what they like and i'll make a fish dish tonite with a lot of potatoes. i think i just might serve prepared hamburgers for the main course, instead of chicken. i am thinking out of the box! i hope that you have all recovered from your thanksgiving dinners. all the best and shabbat shalom!

Confessions Of A Middle Aged Jewish Grandma

i sat for my grandson, sahar, today for nearly five hours. at around 8:00 a.m., as zvi was leaving for work, he told me that gal needed to go to the doctor and i was needed upstairs at 8:30a.m. as usual, i was curled up on the couch fast asleep, while zvi spoke to me. this seems to be our morning ritual. i used to be a heavy sleeper, but i guess i got used to jumping up to go into my mom's room. i also wake up to let the dogs out each morning and then run back to bed, actually, the couch. zvi left, and i jumped up and ran to the bathroom. afterwards, i ritually, washed my hands and said my morning blessings and grabbed my favorite jar of instant coffee and headed up the stairs to sahar. my daughter-in-law said something about leaving some frozen 'mommy' milk in the freezer and attempted to show me something. i wasn't exactly, paying attention. i hadn't had my morning coffee, yet. she left while the baby was lying in the big crib, enjoying his new mobile and making contented baby 'cooing' sounds. i took the opportunity to make myself a coffee. i didn't want to go back downstairs for my whole wheat bread, so i ate a few cookies. when sahar seemed a bit fussy, i took him out of his crib and played with him for a while on the bed. he seemed to love today's version of 'clap hands'. it went like this: "clap hands, clap hands til daddy comes home, he works in a winery and loves to drink, rum. clap hands, clap hands til mommy comes home, she went to the miyun (emergency room) down in the darom." (the southern end of zefat). sahar was pretty attentive until he got hungry and started to cry. i put him in the crib for a moment, so i could prepare his bottle, and the poor thing started screaming. i immediately, picked him up and went about searching the freezer for the mommy milk. i had to put the baby back down for a moment until i found a small baggie of frozen milk. he was wailing and turning red while i put the baggie into a small bowl of hot water. i was so afraid that the bag might melt. in the meantime,he kept on wailing. when the milk seemed unfrozen, i carefully opened the baggie with a knife while i said a silent prayer, that i shouldn't puncture the bag. i then found a small baby bottle and put the pump contraction over it like a funnel, and started to pour out the milk. to my utter shock, i watched all the milk pour out the side of the pump into the sink and not into the bottle. there were only a few drops of milk left and i feebly, tried to use a dropper to feed them to the poor baby. he was really agitated now! i picked him up and kissed him and cradled him in my arms until he fell asleep. just then, my daughter-in-law called to say that she was on her way to the emergency room. i didn't have the heart or guts to tell her that i had just spilled out all of her expressed mother's milk. i thought about calling up my niece, sarah, who is also, nursing, to see if she had any spare mommy milk in the freezer. i played with the idea of running over to sarah's with sahar, so that she could nurse him. but i have not, yet, taken the baby out by myself, and i didn't even have the cab fare anyway, because i had given the last of my cash to his parents that morning. i figured that i could probably, give the baby a bottle of water, as the worst case scenario. just then, i spotted a package of materna, non dairy, baby formula, on the shelf. while the little angel slept, i read the instructions on the box. thankfully, they were in english, too. i quickly made up half a bottle, as an 'experiment', and at that moment little sahar woke up. i decided to try it. he drank it down, calmly and willingly, but i felt like i was feeding him poison. i had never given his father formula. i nursed my son until he was 2 1/2 years old. i felt like i was betraying my innocent grandson. i was so nervous that he may have an allergic reaction to the formula. i was convinced that the formula might constipate him, too. sahar seemed quite content but a bit sleepy, so i put him down in the small crib and rocked him to sleep. i made myself another coffee. when he woke up again, i played with him some more and then made another half bottle of formula for him. again, he drank it down without any fuss. i then started to worry that he might refuse to nurse when his mommy came home. and then i started to worry about his mommy. i was so afraid that she might be admitted over night to the hospital. right then, she called to let me know that she was on her way home. she asked how the baby was and asked if he had drank his bottle. i told her that he was fine and had had his bottle, which was the truth. but i lied about what was in the bottle. i just couldn't fess up. i was so ridden with guilt and afraid that i would be found out. the baby hadn't made a 'poop' yet and i was convinced that the formula had already clogged his delicate digestive system. gal shared with me that sahar hadn't pooped since the night before. after 5 hours, she was bursting with milk, and couldn't wait for him to nurse. i was really afraid, now. but he latched on to the nipple immediately, and drank the mother's milk until he was full. i still didn't tell her the truth and let her know that he had drank formula. perhaps, when he's married i'll let her know before the chuppah. it looks like we'll be having a thanksgiving meal, here on thursday, after all. i had searched the closet for my turkey napkins, but i could only find my chicken napkins. and there was no way that i was going to host a thanksgiving meal with chicken napkins. i did, find my two sets of turkey napkins. the small cocktail size turkey napkins will be great for serving cake. the turkey dinner napkins have a thanksgiving motif and say "giving thanks every day",which nicely, coincides with orthodox, jewish thought. i am scheduled to sit for sahar tomorrow morning at 11:00 a.m.while gal goes to the dentist. hopefully, i'll make it over to the chabad supermarket to buy all the traditional food items to prepare for the thanks giving meal. i think i'm going to skip the pumpkin pie and make simple, pumpkin cake 'bars" instead. we'll see. right now, my foot is hurting so much that i can't stand on it. and i've had a blinding pain in my right eye, all evening long. now my nose is running. i'm a wreck! i hope i won't have any more confessions to make for awhile.

The First Anniversary

it's nearly 8:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat and my son just got home. he left work early today to plan for tonight's first wedding anniversary. the florist just arrived with 24 red and white heart shaped, helium balloons, a gift package of a romantic figurine and bottles of musk oil and body lotion sprays, a vase filled with roses, and two bunches of orchids, i think. zvi came back from town with a brown 'fila' training suit, that he bought for gal. he spent hours in town waiting for them to inscribe the back of the training suit. the monogramed message cost almost as much as the running suit, itself. gal also bought zvi a brown 'fila' running suit and a pair of skinny fitting jeans. as gal waited downstairs, zvi released the balloons on to the ceiling above the bed and covered the bed with fresh rose petals. he placed the vase of fresh roses on the coffee table next to the gift figurine package and set down two special wine glasses for later that night. he placed a decorative, scented candle on each night stand to be lit upon their return. my task tonight, was babysitting for sahar. after i was instructed on how to warm up a bottle of mother's milk, the young couple left for dinner in town. i went out earlier this evening to the local store to buy diapers and baby wipes. i also bought two new soft toothe brushes and a tube of sensitive toothepaste for the happy young couple. it was not exactly, a romantic gift , but one that was very much appreciated. i also bought a small white teddy bear that says "i love you" in english, when squeezed. this was sahar's gift to his parents. i even made an anniversary card from sahar with childish scrawl and i signed his name. each time i asked sahar today, what he was planning to give his parents for their anniversary, he gave me a great big smile. i found an old anniversary card from my mother's cards collection and put a modest check in it for the young couple. i put the cards and teddy bear in a small bag and left it in sahar's crib for a surprise. it's hard to believe that an entire year has passed. last year at this time, mom was still alive. we spent the day hugging, and wishing each other: "mazel tov"! i think it was the happiest day of my life. i managed to trim down before the wedding, and i looked pretty amazing back then. i had a house full of guests all week long. my sister's niece and friend from yeshiva were sleeping in the computer room on mattresses on the floor. my girlfriend from efrat, surprised me and came the day before the wedding with her elderly dad, her daughter and baby grandson and her son, moshe. moshe and zvi have been best friends since they were toddlers. believe it or not, i felt less pressured, having a lot of people around me. my mother had more company to talk with and i had a good friend to share my johnny walker with. i promised my mom that i would spend a good amount of time, making her up for the wedding. she was disappointed in how she looked at the engagement, so i was going to give her the 'royal' treatment. i combed out and fluffed up her short wig. i opted for the short one because mom's face was quite gaunt and i knew it would be lost in the longer sheitel. i applied a good amount of face powder because mom looked a bit 'corpse' like. i applied her lipstick and mascara and eye shadow and spritzed her with some of her 'donna karen n.y.' perfume for good measure. i wheeled her over to the mirror for her approval. she seemed genuinely, pleased with how she looked. she was on her way out of life and hanging by a thread, and yet she looked like royalty that night. it was obvious to all, after she passed away, some, three weeks later, that she had stayed alive until her grandson was married. unfortunately, mom couldn't stand or walk on the day of the wedding. she suffered for the year, with crippling gout and didn't have the strength to get out of the wheel chair. just as we were all leaving for the wedding hall, cloey the dog, ran out of the house. of course, she wouldn't come back and we had to leave her outside. i called and begged zvi, the groom, to deal with it. he was pretty upset with me but did manage to find her and get her back into the house. i was rather concerned that moshe, zvi's designated driver, might decide to speed to make up the time. we, as well as the groom, arrived 'unfashionably' late for the receiving line. but considering all of the obstacles, it was pretty amazing that we all made it, at all. our van arrived on time but i couldn't possibly, carry my mother out of the wheelchair and into the van. we hadn't counted on her not being able to walk at all that day. i had to insist that the groom wait and deal with his grandmother. she was in so much pain that night and i hadn't given her any tylenol before we left. i packed adult diapers and baby wipes and the meds but i forgot to bring the tylenol. a young security guard helped carry mom out of the van and placed her back into the wheelchair. it was a real schlepp to wheel her from the parking area into the wedding hall. we had to go all the way around to avoid the steps and it was so windy and cold that night, not at all ,unseasonably warm, like tonight. i was scared to death that mom might get pneumonia. i felt that my wig might blow off, too. my family was already there to help with mom so i was able to join the receiving line and hug all of the members of the clan. the hall was lavish and there was an elaborate spread set out. i did not get involved with any of the wedding plans and basically, left it up to the clan to do 'their' thing and let me know what my share of the bill was. as the token ashkanazi, i did help to choose the menu. after all, without me, there wouldn't have been a waldorf salad with whipped cream! as soon as we were seated in the hall, mom 'dismissed' me. she said that i was not to be her nurse maid that night. she ordered me out and onto the dance floor for the night. she was left in good company. my niece had flown in from n.y. to surprise her. she enjoyed her meal and seemed to be doing well. i danced and boogied with my daughter-in-law and girl friends for hours but i didn't have as much energy as i would have liked. later on, i was told that mom was in agony and wanted to go home. i quickly found our driver and started to get our group in motion. my sister insisted that i stay til the end, and she and my good friends helped mom into their van and took her home. i came home shortly, afterwards, and found mom, comfortably, in bed. my sister left and i helped mom out of her wedding clothes and into her nightgown. we spent the next several hours talking with my friend from efrat into the wee hours of the morning. mom was so happy! the next evening, we hosted the first sheva bracha at home, for the immediate family. my sister prepared the entire meal and i set up the the tables. i was utterly exhausted. it was not easy getting things done with people milling about the kitchen. the following night, i hosted about 50 people for the entire shabbat. i had 50 people sleeping here. the meals were catered and served in the new shul on the next street. i had baked and prepared cakes and cookies for the past two weeks and had put everything in my freezer. i had bought tons of dried fruits and nuts for the occassion. i couldn't let mom go to the shul for the dinner because it was too cold and windy. the house was freezing and i hadn't put on the heat or put up enough hot water for drinks. i was totally overwhelmed, to say, the least. the following week, mom and i hosted the new couple for shabbat. mom surprised them by walking to the table by herself, before they arrived. we buried mom before the next shabbat. it's almost a year since mom died. i seem to find it difficult to remember how she looked before she died. my friends say that it feels peaceful here. i can't feel mom's presence here anymore. it's almost the first anniversary of her death. but tonight it is zvi's and gal's first anniversary!

To Be Or Not To Be

i can remember as a child, being told by my mother, that i could fulfill my father's dream of being an actor and making it big in hollywood. when looking back, i wonder if it was her nice way of saying that i was drama queen. my father was a handsome man and was built like a boxer. he had all the makings of being a matinee idol. i used to think that he looked like a young spencer tracy. my father loved to croon and he had a really nice voice. my parents used to dance in the living room to lawrence welk and arthur murry. at their 50th wedding anniversary party in zefat, although they were well into their 80's, they glided gracefully, around the restaurant floor. even with my father's dememtia, he didn't miss a beat. i was always in school plays as a member of the dance troupe or chorus. i can't remember if i really liked to perform or not. mom said that we were always putting on shows and that supposedly, i used to sing "true love" for my tante rosie and other various family members. i don't remember. i had a speech impediment as a young child and struggled with a lisp until the age of 13. i still remember my first experience with stage freight. i was the salutatorian of my 8th grade graduation class of p.s. 238. i had the honor of delivering the opening speech of the ceremony. .although it was over 45 years ago, i can still feel the sheer panic. i can feel myself shuffling on stage. i can taste the nausea, and feel the throbbing in my head. i can also, feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead. i didn't know at the time, that what i was experiencing, was, in fact, stage freight. after that day i stuck to being in the background. dancing and singing with a group was just right for me. no solos for zelda, please! when i was in high school, i got involved in making costumes for our annual sing programs. i was the costume chairman for three years. in my junior year, we beat out the seniors, thanks to my creations. i still have the small plaque hanging in my bedroom, today. after the sing, i was sure about how to fulfill the gleich family's dream of making it big in hollywood. i decided to become, an oscar winning, costume designer, like edith head. but sadly, i didn't persue the 'dream'. nor did i take up fashion design in college. i gave up on the family dream to persue zelda's dream of becoming a teacher. i did take an acting course in college because i had an enormous crush on my speech teacher, howie. i got an A in speech and decided to follow howie. howie was jewish and into kabbalah. i had never heard of it, myself. the acting class turned out to be a gym class. all we did was stretch and do yoga poses. howie believed that an actor needed stage presence more than he needed dialogue. at the time, i was quite hefty, and exercize left me cold. but i was in love with howie, so i stuck it out. i also took a karate class in college, and got an A. i don't remember what grade i got from howie. alas, we went our seperate ways, because howie didn't believe that i had the makings of a great actress or gymnasist, for that matter. eventually, i quit college and gave up on my dream of becoming an educator. my dream turned into my nightmare after i had a case of stage freight in the kindergarten. i was actually, afraid of standing in front of little kids and performing. so, that was the end of my acting for the next few decades. in my late forties, a good friend started to write comedic plays for religious women. she did different twists on the stories of purim and chanukah and peace in the middle east. she even put a jewish spin on the period piece, 'pride and prejudice'. i had been a volunteer for other women's productions, setting up chairs and helping the actresses with their lines. i was invited to join several of the casts but i always refused because of my stage freight. at first, i supplied the costume and props. later on, i set up the refreshments and even baked my own healthy cookies and cakes. i gradually made it to become the mistress of ceremony. i was actually, able to get up in front of ladies and be the m.c. and i was funny, too! i can't remember the first time that i actually took a part, but it must have been out of a sense of obligation. someone must have left town or taken ill or had a baby. i stepped in and joined the cast, very late in the game. i happen to be a quick study and i can memorize lines, easily. i have never really, enjoyed acting and i have never seen it as my creative outlet. i do it for the charity. we try to raise money for different causes. and we give the righteous women of zefat, a night out. i have been cast as zeresh, the wife of the evil, haman on a few occassions. i played it as a joan collins wannabe. i like to play 'witchy' women. it's fun! and i am not afraid of being type casted. i was given the lead role as a ditsy school teacher a few years ago in a chanukah show. my father was quite ill and i didn't want to leave him. i did the show for him. i literally went into a 'trance' like state for two hours until the show ended. i don't really remember being there. i haven't performed in years. i did do a purim sketch with my friend, a couple of years ago. this past purim, i created, 'living' theatre here in zefat. i dressed up as a sephardi beggar lady and actually collected some money from people on the street, which i gave back to charity. i was pretty 'authentic' in my role and i scared the daylights out of my friend's sister, when i entered the house and sat down at the dining room table to eat. oh, to be or not to be!

Big Mistake

my friend nechama and her husband finally arrived in zefat at around 6:00p.m. the house was freezing. i was freezing and my guests were freezing. i brought out one of the new heaters that i just bought but it really didn't heat up the kitchen area that much and it must have used up a lot of electricity. big mistake! i should have just turned on the heating system for an hour, while they were here. i think that there might have been some fuel left in the tank from last winter. while nechama was in the bathroom, her husband turned to me and asked me, pont blank, if i could afford to heat the house. it was just a little too close for my comfort zone. when they pulled up to the house, nechama exited the car, holding on to a rather, large, plastic bag that she just couldn't wait to hand over. she had already told me on the phone that she was bringing me something that would make me smile, when i saw it. i was getting a bit curious and was hoping that it might be a snapshot from one of our plays. but, much to my diasappointment, it wasn't a photograph. it was a very skinny, dishevelled, shiny, royal blue dress with sequins. it looked like a size 1. nechama thought that i was the only one in the land of israel who could appreciate such a find! she also thought that i could still fit into somethiing so small or use it in a future production. big mistake! i wish i never laid eyes on that rag. i told nechama that she was probably, the only one i knew, that was thin enough, to wear that dress. what ever, possessed her, to haul that shmatta clear across the country and bring it to zefat? i guess one could say, it was nostalgia. speaking of nostalgia, i showed nechama, a picture taken at her wedding of myself and another girlfriend, who had passed away about four years ago. another big mistake! first of all, it was still, too sad to talk about our beloved and deceased friend, mindy. and second, it was so sad that nechama had to explain to her husband that the very slender and attractive lady, smiling in the wedding photo from eight years ago, was, in fact, me, the slightly, twisted and overweight middle-aged woman sitting across from him in the kitchen. i could see the slightest shock in nechama's face when she looked at me. she said right away that i didn't look like myself. what had happened to the pretty lady in the picture from eight years ago? so we drank some tea and said our goodbyes. they had a dinner date with some friend, in town. i asked nechama if she would like to receive my blogs. she said that she wasn't really 'into' blogs, all that much. she prefered the phone. we hugged and they were gone. it was already, 7:00 p.m. and my son hadn't come home from work, so i called him. big mistake! he was still in town shopping for an expensive piece of jewelry, to give his wife next week, for their first anniversary. he then told me the price and i asked him why he needed to spend that much money on a ring. big mistake! he then asked if i could help him out with some of the payment. we agreed to talk about it when he came home. i looked up at the clock and it was almost 8:00 p.m. i decided to call a taxi and run over to the hospital to visit the new mom. visiting hours end at 9:00 p.m, so i figured that it would have to be a short visit. i searched all around the house for a gift, but everything i had bought was pink. after all, she had been told, all along, that she was carrying a girl. when i got to the hospital, i bought a lovely tin of apple candies from the gift shop. i was prepared to tell the new mom, that it was the only thing not pink, that i could come up with. when i reached the fourth floor i ran to the nurses' station to check for her room number. i was told that she had already gone home. i guess she went to her mother's house. big mistake, leaving the house at night! i jumped in to another taxi, and came home. my son was home and seemingly, miffed. he made it quite clear that he couldn't afford to buy his wife a nice gift because he had spent so much of his budget paying me for half of the electricity this month. for just a moment i thought that, maybe, i should have not answered my phone today. big mistake!

All Or Nothing!

i have been lying in bed for days. i have been falling asleep on the small couch, huddled with the doggies, under a light weight blanket that i inherited from a dear friend. i think i had a virus. i had a headache and the chills. who knows? it may have been a reaction to my new remedy. on the other hand, the weather did turn cold here and we did have some winter 'like' days this week. i actually, got out of going to the clan for a double birthday party for gal's brother and sister earlier in the week. i simply was too cold to go out of the house in the late evening. the house is already, uncomfortably, cold. that's a problem with stone houses here in the holy city of zefat. they just aren't insulated and do not maintain any heat. i still haven't decided if i am going to use oil to heat this season. the prices are so high. it will cost me about $2000 to fill up my tank and that will only last me about 2 months if i use it every day. a new air conditioner and heating unit will cost about that much to install but i will also have the additional cost of electricity to run it. so i sit here in my blog room, shaking from the cold and feeling a little hopeless. on my floor, two of the toilets are running but i don't want to call a plumber until i decide what type of heating to use. if i go with oil, i'll need the plumber to come over and clean out the boiler. then, i can ask him to fix the toilets. so in the mean time, we shut off the water valve, after every flush. it does save us water, i guess, but it's a royal pain. i have been binging on chocolates and left over cakes all week long. i haven't really enjoyed myself, sleeping all day long and watching oprah and dr.phil reruns til 4:00 a.m. every night. i finally, stumbled out of bed this morning because the phone was ringing all morning long. i hadn't spoken to anyone for days and i finally, couldn't avoid it any longer. my friend's daughter gave birth last night to a boy after being told by the doctors that she was carrying a girl. i of course, was planning to go and visit the new mom sometime today. my friend from efrat called to let me know that she finally caught up with my blog. unfortunately, our conversation got cut short. i started to feel a little guilty that i hadn't been blogging all week. suddenly, my sister in zefat, starting texting me. i managed to answer and it was the first time that we successfully 'chatted' on computer for a while. at first she discussed going with me to visit the new baby. and then my sister started discussing the probability of having a thanksgiving dinner for the family. i said that i would go for it if everyone agreed to come over in the afternoon since thanksgiving is typically celebrated by day. my chabad family doesn't usually sit down to dinner before 9:00p.m. i guess it really doesn't matter what time we eat here because israeli's don't even know what thanksgiving is. anyway, she offered to order a whole turkey from the chabad supermarket, but we both agreed that it would never fit in an israeli oven. she said that she could stuff some turkey wings. i agreed with her that stuffing definitely, belonged on the thanksgiving menu. i wanted to recreate some of my mom's thanksgiving dishes this year because we all miss her. another friend agreed to come if it's a pot luck dinner. so i'll ask her to bring a dish or salad. i plan to make corn bread and pumpkin pie. while we were texting our menu ideas, my daughter-in-law called to ask if i could sit for the baby. i was in the middle of texting, and i wanted very much to get on my blog but i put it on hold. i opted for a hot shower and shampoo before going upstairs to sahar. and just as i was getting into the shower, i got a call from an old friend that i haven't seen in about eight years. she and her husband are on their way to zefat and want to stop by and say hello. they have never been to my house. you can imagine how i must feel, being about 20 pounds heavier, recovering from facial paralysis and looking around at all of the balagon in the house. what can you do? i ran to the bathroom and frantically started plucking out all of those unsightly chin and eyebrow hairs. i then, rubbed my face with oil of olay, changed bras, put on deodorant and vanilla scented oil. i threw on my 'fat girl' olive green, elastic waist, corduroy skirt with the new sweater that my nephew gave me last week. i managed to find a matching head scarf to wear. i caught a glimpse of my face which looks swollen from all of the binging this week. i straightened up the bathroom, and ran to the kitchen to make some muffins. but, i was all out of eggs, and corn meal and frankly, ideas. my freezer which is usually stocked, with leftover cakes and muffins is empty. the refrigerator is also empty and quite a mess. but, if i remember correctly, my friend is a health nut and doesn't eat sugar or honey. i did wash all of the dairy dishes that were piled up high in the dairy sink even though there wasn't enough hot water left in the kitchen. i can't even offer them any fruit, because i don't have any. i ran around the house sprinkling drops of geranium oil essence to cover up the dogie smell that my son keeps complaining about. it was way too cold to fill up a pail of water and do a sponger. i just thought of another detail of my personality to tell the homeopath. why is it always for me, all or nothing?